Sometime readers really enjoy the links that get posted on BBspot...
This week we've got a couple of aspiring writers trying to humor
you...
From: 96BRADYC [mailto:96BRADYC@xxxxxxuk]
Sent: Monday, April 07, 2003 6:22 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: What do you think
McDonalds Starts
Cyber Café
McDonalds has officially stated it is planning an online restaurant,
for the computers. The international fast food franchise has
declared that electronic food is the future of the organisation.
In plans, made public, over the web, yesterday, the website will
be remodelled to accommodate the needs of a restaurant, including
food, tills, seats, and a large supply of ice. A spokeswoman
for the company said"
The managers feel that it is time the computers were allowed
to enjoy our products too. The computers are there for our
every need, and they must get tired, so they need the equivalent
of a Big Mac.
Can’t you imagine it, after hours of typing and processing,
the computers simply need you to access the website and order
them a meal. The electronic food can be either eaten in, or
returned to the desktop, so the computer can eat whilst continuing
to work."
Between noon and 14:00, we receive millions of office workers
wanting sustenance. Of course, we can only give them over-salted
fries, but in theory, they must enjoy it, or they wouldn’t
return. Isn’t it fair, that the computers, that do as
much, if not more in the same amount of time get the same benefits?
The standard electronic meal can be downloaded for £3.50,
the price of a McChicken Meal. Eventually there will be more
variety, but the BBQ sauce is causing mass server breakdown in
trials, so more work is needed.
One computer, an Apple Mac, said in response to the news: “It's
about time, every lunch, my user, Tracy, a secretary from Birmingham,
goes out and just leaves me here, empty. Its like she doesn’t
care about me, we have feelings too you know.”
The renovated website will open in June, just in time for the
office fans to stop working, so the computers need the McFlurry
to cool them down. The website will also employ a 40-year-old
cleaner that bullies every person she meets, and refuses to clean
up the squashed fries on the floor, that is part of her job description,
to maintain the authenticity of a McDonalds Restaurant.
You can tell it's not real, nothing in birmingham, is that
well spoken.
Btw, i didn't realise the april Fools 'til after i got to
the end, i hate you, i hate you so much ;)
--------------
This Just In: Maryland
Liberated
(copyright Saddam Non-Aggression News International)
by Ray D. Sheff
REPORTER: Hello, this is Abdul Al-Jazeera, your embedded reporter
live from an undisclosed location in Chevy Chase, Maryland, just
north of the regime’s capital, not far from highway 495,
brought to total ruin by a barrage of Mother of all Bombs missiles
launched last night.
ANCHORWOMAN. Hi Abdul, wonderful to hear you! How gloriously
Allah has blessed our technology! We can actually see you! A
bit fuzzy, but no problem! Wow! How are our fearless troops doing?
REPORTER: Great! They were enthusiastically welcomed by smiling
teenagers waiving Iraqi paper flags. The kids had been scavenging
for “Happy Meal” Sad-amburgers and Iraqi fries in a
McDonalds spared of total destruction thanks to our super-smart
high-tech Hussein bombs.
ANCHORWOMAN: Tell me more about these liberated children.
REPORTER: I’ve never seen such smiling faces. They rushed
to touch our brave soldiers, to ask them questions about our
freedom and justice in Iraq. The youngest begged us to bomb Maryland
more so that he and his pals could understand Iraqi democracy
better. Then the cheerful kids began chanting: "More bombs,
more bombs!"
ANCHORWOMAN: And what does the local population say about the
regime? How are the anti-regime uprisings doing?
REPORTER: The entire state is in revolt. Marylanders hate the
Bush regime. See, Maryland is in the north, and people there
hate Bush, who’s from the south, from warmongering Texas,
where rapacious oil barons keep the despised and doomed “W” regime
afloat by funneling drug money to off-shore accounts.
ANCHORWOMAN: Please give some more background to our viewers.
Allah has unfortunately not made American history like our venerated
past…
REPORTER: In the Civil War in the U.S. not so long ago Maryland
fought against Texas. They remember that war. So they hate Bush.
Also, they practice a different kind of religion in Maryland
than they do in Texas. Their Protestantism is less fundamentalist.
John Carroll, one of the founders of the state, was a Catholic.
ANCHORWOMAN: Great reporting, Abdul!
REPORTER: Thank you – when you’re embedded you really
get to understand where you are, even if you’ve never been
there, aren’t quite sure where you are, and don’t understand
a word of the local language!
ANCHORWOMAN: One more question, Abdul, before we continue our
up-to-the minute, round-the-clock, commercial-full coverage of
our triumphant war. There are unconfirmed reports that our troops
have found weapons of mass destruction (WMD) in Maryland.
REPORTER: Yes, they have. They have uncovered over 2,000 Sport
Utility Vehicles (SUVs) in suburban garages. Two thousand and
four and a half to be exact.
ANCHORWOMAN: It is true that some Marylanders have actually
donated their WMDs to assist our forces?
REPORTER: Yes, nothing could be truer. One silver-haired lady
with sunglasses and a cell phone in one hand and a ketchup-covered
Sad-amburger in the other drove her SUV to the mustachiod beret-wearing
colonel in our division and said: “Take my SUV. Ram it down
the regime’s throat. Long live Saddam!”
ANCHORWOMAN: Another proof that this war is not one of aggression,
but liberation…
That's all for this week. Thanks.
