Cleveland, OH - The members of the DeViL 3k gaming clan suspect
that puberty may be the reason that long time member Tadd Wiggin
has disappeared. If suspicions prove accurate, it would be the third
clan member abducted by puberty in the past year.
lot of our guys are getting to that age, so we started a Puberty
Re-Education program to try to keep our losses to a minimum," said
clan leader Chad Fulmer, 15. "Looks like our efforts with Wiggin
Fullmer battled with puberty for three years, so he understands
the siren song of facial hair, but he was able to remain active in
the clan until puberty had passed. He said, "I know what he's
going through. The girls, the nocturnal emissions, it's hard to stay
focussed on what is important. I hope he's returned to us soon."
"He gets some pubes and now he won't hang out with us online
any more. Hell, sometimes he's not even online! It's like aliens
abducted him or something," said clan member Clint Younger,
Other members of the clan voiced similar concerns. Kelly Dezel,
a classmate of Wiggin at Lincoln Middle School, said, "Tadd
told me he was going to the dance. I just laughed, because I thought
he was joking. We got a big tournament all set up for Friday. There's
no way he would miss that. But I was wrong. You'd think killing together
for three years would count for something."
Wiggin's parents haven't seen or heard from him either. "Usually
I can hear him upstairs shouting profanities and 'DIE, DIE, DIE',
but lately he's been spending a lot of time quietly in the bathroom
and down at the mall," said Wiggin's mother, Endora.
DeViL 3k isn't the only gaming clan affected by the "hairy
killer." The Clan Association of America claims that 85% of
gamers have experienced or will experience puberty at some point
in their lives.
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