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Friday, May 9 12:00 AM EDT

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
The guys at the Computer Users Group aren't complimenting you when they say you've got a magnetic personality. They think you're destroying their hard drives.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Your taste in women is equal only to your lack of common sense. No more dating girls you meet at Family Reunions.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
It doesn't matter if you've landed on an aircraft carrier. Jerry Bruckheimer isn't going to put you in Top Gun 2.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
If life gives you lemons, don't rub them in your eyes again.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
The stars say your mother would like a new Radeon 9700 for Mother's Day so she can finally play GTA Vice City. But then again, the stars have been known to lie once in a while.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
While getting rid of a cubicle wall has doubled your personal space at the office, using dynamite might not have been the best idea.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
You'll learn the hard way that customs officials lack a sense of humor. Next time tell them your PS2 is a video game console, and not a "fancy case for carrying around plastic explosives."

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Reading to your children before they go to bed is a great idea. Letting them watch news about SARS and reading The Stand by Stephen King is not.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Yelling "Get it off me! Get it off me!" might not have been the best reaction when your boss' 4-year-old daughter gave you a hug.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
Always an over achiever, you set your clock ahead 2 hours for Daylight Savings.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
The moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter is aligned with Mars. This means that you won't get a new job by playing Euchre online twelve hours a day.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Your knowledge of Gary Glitter songs won't win you any friends, but don't give up. You're his last fan.

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