|| Ash Ketchum
||May 16, 2003
||Psychedelic animated infomercial
||Quick-cut title-splash, "In
||Prized jewel, tidal wave, big monster
mouth, water, shock attack.
|"In a world where..."
"In a world they never imagined..."
||100% (They show the never before seen Pokémon
in the trailer!)
||20% (Imitation anime, toys)
||For a laugh, yes.
||Go see The Matrix Reloaded again
From the studio that brought you the Academy Award winning films Life
is Beautiful and The Cider House Rules, and from a director who
was "chief rigging electrician" on Zoolander,
comes the fifth Pokémon movie that's so bad it's guaranteed
to drive you insane.
Haven't all the kids moved on to Dragonball Z or Yu-Gi-Oh by now?
The only thing I can think of is that these movies already made their
money in Japan and they're just looking for gravy over here in the
US. Oh sure, some kids are still into Pokémon, but not the
cool kids. It's those kids that keep getting beat up.
Now for the "plot." A secret garden, guarded by a prized
jewel is under attack. How exactly does a jewel guard a garden? Probably
with its name, which is something like Rubiloo or Emeraldi. The evil
villain takes control of the world's most powerful carnival ride
inside the garden and threatens to destroy the city. Only one thing
is powerful enough to stop her of course - Ash and Pikachu. There's
a quick cut ending with the title splash, then inexplicably the trailer
starts up again. It's very disconcerting. The trailer is over, then
whoopsie daisy, no it's not.
Kudos to the voiceover artist. It must've taken him thousands of
takes, and a major force of will to get through the dialog without
laughing. When he says in complete seriousness, "Never before
seen Pokémon, Latios and Latias," I crack up. Every time.
And I had to watch this trailer ten times.
constipated Ash strains
Speaking of Latios and Latias, does it bother anyone else that the
never before seen Pokémon are shown in the trailer? That would
be like revealing that Ash Ketchum dies in this one. Whoops! I guess
there's really no reason to see the movie now.
Countering the great voiceover work is some terrible lip-synching.
I guess it wouldn't be a Japanese import without it. "We have
to stop them!" Ash's voice says. His lips say, "OK." If
something that bad made it into the trailer, I can only imagine what
awaits us in the movie.
wonder I'm grunting. I've got a big red thing up my butt!"
As a another clue to its wretchedness the trailer producers have
left another clue. This movie declares that it's only in theaters,
because most of us would assume that it was going straight to video.
Conclusion on Trailer: So bad it's funny.
Conclusion on Movie: Avoid at all costs. Go see The Matrix
Reloaded again. No matter how bad The Matrix turns out
to be it'll be infinitely better than Pokémon Heroes.
Story to a Friend