Lindon, UT - The SCO Group announced the launch of a campaign to
shoot 1% of all babies born in the US.
"Statistically, 1% of all people are Linux users. Rather than
have these young hoodlums grow up without any respect for our intellectual
property, we have chosen to nip it in the bud, as it were," said
SCO's CEO, Darl McBride.
SCO also unveiled their new corporate
In addition, during the campaign announcement, SCO said that individuals
could pay $2,499 per child for immunity from execution. "The
price goes up to $5,200 dollars after that family's firstborn reaches
18 months, so it is in their advantage to pony up now," McBride
The announcement brought cheers from SCO's chief investors and supporters,
including the Gartner Group, and the BSA (Blind and Shortsighted
Alliance). The organizations hailed it as "A brave, innovative
step in the fight against intellectual piracy."
An RIAA spokesperson that was also present said that they were taking
serious looks at SCO's proposal for fighting piracy in the music
industry. "I think this will be a great deterrent. It will force
parents to talk to their kids about the evils of intellectual piracy.
In a free economy, this kind of thing is a must."
SCO, which stands for "Satanic Cultists' Operation," changed
its name from Caldera in 2002, when it was acquired by an obscure
organization which exclusively employs 1200-year-old undead trial
lawyers. They are now embroiled in an ongoing legal battle with IBM,
Red Hat, and the Open Source community over alleged copyright infringements
embedded inside Linux.
Speculation has been abound about what will happen if SCO wins the
lawsuit. Some have suggested that Linux will disappear entirely from
the market. Others have speculated that if SCO loses the lawsuit,
it will use its connections with the Underworld to assemble a massive
Army of the Dead, march on IBM headquarters, and crush it into a
smoldering oblivion. When asked about the possibility of an undead
Armageddon scenario, a senior IBM spokesperson said, speaking in
stereophonic bass-tones, "This will not happen."
When booed during the announcement by a large rotten tomato-wielding
crowd, McBride exhorted, "I am disappointed with your reaction
to our announcement. I must say that your decision to throw tomatoes
does not seem conducive to the long-term survivability of your firstborn
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