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Tuesday,  September 23 12:01 AM EDT

Nigerian Philanthropist
Can't Give Away Millions

By Brian Briggs

Lagos, Nigeria - Nigerian billionaire Esenam Ayele wants to share his millions with the rest of the world, but he's having trouble finding takers.

Ayele made his millions in property and oil, but he believes that keeping his money in an unstable country like Nigeria is not fiscally responsible. "I have more than I know what to do with, so I thought random acts of kindness would be the best way to enrich the world."

"Charities use too much of my donations in overhead so I've been contacting people through e-mail and asking if they want to share in my wealth. I thought it would be easy to give away millions and make it on the Philanthropist's Top 100 list, but I have only had one taker so far," explained Ayele.

Thomas Hutton of St. Louis, Missouri was the lucky recipient of $12 million from Ayele. "I was so excited when I received this e-mail from Ayele. I mean how many times do you get to help out a Nigerian billionaire? The next thing I know $12 million dollars had been deposited into my account. Since then I've gotten a lot more opportunities that I'm going to check out."

"Bill Gates can give away millions in Africa, but when I want to help out the fine people of the United States in return I am ignored and sometimes even chastised for trying to help," said Ayele.

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Ayele is furious at the countless Nigerian scam spammers who flood the Internet with messages hoping for an easy mark. "These people make my job more difficult. That is why I've started the Society of Charitable African Millionaires organization. This group of wealthy Africans finds ways to fight the spammers, so legitimate philanthropists can share their money with random people through the miracle of the Internet."

Ayele has encouraged SCAM members to proudly proclaim their SCAM membership in their e-mails, so the SCAM name can become a sign of trust. "I sign each e-mail with 'Proud Member of SCAM' or "Proud to be a SCAMmer', but unfortunately my percentage of giveaways has gone down since. What can I do?" wondered Ayele.

This article is a work of satire. Please do not send your sad stories. Thanks.

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