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Dear Spammer,
I was laid off six months ago from my programming job. I've
been doing some freelance projects to make ends meet, but my savings
is running out. I don't have any other marketable skills other than
programming. Any suggestions how I could improve my chances of landing
a permanent job before I end up living in a box?
-Desperate in Denver
Dear DiD,
Sounds like you need a U.N.I.V.E.R.S.I.T.Y. D1PL0MA. ImpH0ve
your 1ife, with incrgasing y0ur ezrning p0wXr fr0m a dip1oma within
days from a n0n-accredited univeWsity based on 1ife exptrience.
Ca11 anytAme inc1uding ho1idays and Sunpays. Employers rarely care
if you're U.N.I.V.E.R.S.I.T.Y. is accredited, or if you can spell
days of the weak.
If more education won't help. Why not try VICODIN without a prescription?
With VICODIN, not having a job won't seem so bad.
- The Spammer
Dear Spammer,
Dude, I buy beer for the Delts here at U of A, and after every
party we always have leftover beer. We don't want to waste good brew,
but we gotta return the kegs by 11 the next day or forfeit our deposit.
What can we do to save this precious juice?
-Lushes in Little Rock
Dear Lushes,
I have the answer! Our barely legal teens are insatiable. They
guzzle it down and beg for more! Not a drop of your precious juice
will be wasted. Your brothers will be completely satisfied when these
hot honeys get their lips on your spigots. They'll suck your barrels
dry. You won't be disappointed, guaranteed!
- The Spammer
Dear Spammer,
I'm 14 years old, and not very popular. I had to give a speech in front of
my English class last week. I think it was because of my nervousness, but
in the middle of the speech I starting sporting wood. Some of the jocks
started pointing and laughing at me. I ran out of class. I had to wait
in the bathroom for half an hour before I could go back to class. I know
it's natural for teenage boys like me, but still I've never been so embarrassed
in my life. I don't think I'll ever get over it. What can I do?
-Hard Up
Dear Woody,
I'd be embarrassed too if I could only keep an erection for half an hour. Stay
ROCK HARD for days with our new herbal Viagra. Best of all there's no doctor's
appointments or prescriptions necessary. It's guaranteed to add three inches
to your man meat, so it won't be just the jocks that notice your bulge. Embarrassment
will be just a memory, as the girls drool when you walk down the hall.
- The Spammer
If you have a question for The Spammer send it to the_spammer
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