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Friday, February 20 12:00 AM EST

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
The stars predict that the sasquatch will eat you and your family for not helping the nice Nigerian man with his money.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
While mooning the stoplight enforcement cameras might have seemed like a pretty good joke last Friday, the LAPD has now subpoenaed your ass. Time to mail it in.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Your significant other appreciates the dozen roses you sent, but Valentine’s Day was last week. Back to the dog house for you.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Your overclocking skills will stay unappreciated this week as no one cares how many pages per minute your laser printer will shoot out.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Hacking in to the school's computer network to change your grades wasn't a very good idea. To top it off the judge won't accept work on the Linux kernel as community service.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
You can count on your friends while you’re away. Unfortunately, you can count on them to screw things up.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
The stars predict that soon you will abandon your website to travel to foreign countries for a month, and if you planned it right most people will never know.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Four out of five stars agree that horoscopes should be believed. The other one just went supernova.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Picking an assistant for the webcam was a good idea, but did it have to be a bald wookiee?

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Everybody will be very impressed with your technical skills in the coming weeks. Except your boss who will fire you for loading Linux on every office machine without authorization.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Everyone at the office is still talking about half time at the Super Bowl when you revealed that you liked Return of the Jedi better than The Empire Strikes back.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
You could spend hours talking about the advantages of Java over .NET, unfortunately your fellow security guards aren’t as familiar with the topic as you seem to be.

 
 
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