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Washington D.C. - The FCC announced today that it would go to whatever
measures necessary to accurately assess the indecency reached by
the exposure of singer Janet Jackson's right breast during the Super
Bowl Halftime Show last Sunday.
Bob Johnson, spokesperson for the FCC, said he wished to assure
the American viewing public that the FCC was going to investigate
thoroughly. "We are willing to do whatever it takes to make
sure we assess fines that are stern but fair," he said.
"We currently have our entire office reviewing the tape and
we will review it as many times as is necessary. We are also using
the latest in digital technology to rewind, slow down, and zoom in
on the offending moment. We don't care if it takes weeks, we will
keep viewing the tape until we get some answers."
Johnson added that he is not certain Jackson's right breast alone
can provide all the answers. "What we need is some context to
understand how much of Jackson's body was exposed. It is our sincere
hope that Ms. Jackson will aid us in our investigation by providing
photographs of her entire body, preferably in various poses. And
high heels. Definitely high heels."
Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson shocked the viewing public when
Timberlake pulled aside part of Jackson's outfit during a steamy
duet, revealing Jackson's right breast. Jackson's nipple was not
visible, obscured by a cyborg implant from Starbucks, which allows
Jackson to store and serve cafe au lait from her enhanced bustline.
In related news, hyperapologetic Justin Timberlake addressed Janet
Jackson's mother in a heartfelt mea culpa this afternoon. The announcement
came following reports that Jackson burst into tears after the fateful
reveal. Bravely sniffling back tears, Timberlake asserted that "he
was for real" and that he never meant to make Mrs. Jackson's
daughter cry. "I apologize a trillion times," said Timberlake,
before openly sobbing like the little girl he is.
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