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Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without
the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing
because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of
the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just
simply amazing.
Believers
First Believer for the article on the new interstate
driving simulator for the Xbox...
From: xxxxxx@aol.com
Sent: Friday, April 02, 2004 7:59 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Interstate driver
Sorry if I am asking the wrong person here, but I would like
to know if you know where or how I could get more information
on Interstate
Driver. It sounds
like a really cool virtual reality-game but I would like to learn more.
This is the only place that I know that has this information
on this game. I never
knew this existed until I saw it when I searched up Trucking simulators.
Thank you for your time!
What would we do without AOLers?
April Fools
At BBspot it is April Fools every day, so it is difficult to create
something that fools the faithful readers. The past couple years I
have been successful, but everyone was much more prepared this
year, so I knew I had to be even more subtle. I concocted the story
about wanting to write the Great American Novel by starting with
some really bad Lord
of the Rings fan fiction. The problem seemed to be that I was
either not bad enough or not good enough, because I was deluged
with mail from readers who want me to continue with the "novel."
At first I had the
feedback e-mail pop-up with April Fools as the subject line, but
changed it to try to snag more Believers. Here are some of the
responses I received....
From: Louis
Sent: Thursday, April 01, 2004 1:52 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: April Fools....you bastard! ^.~
Here I was...note the term was, going to compliment the concept
of the Elvish War in your LotR fanfic, until -just now- when
up popped my new-message window, and I saw that accursed line
in the subject field. Damn you sir, you got me, and got me
good.
(Funnier thing is that about ten minutes ago, I was posting
on another of my favorite sites (www.nuklearpower.com) commenting
on the lack of the webmaster's traditional prank installment
of his web-comic. Go figure, eh?)
From: Michael
Sent: Thursday, April 01, 2004 4:09 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Novel Feedback
"We have tried many great Elvish medicine to cure his
'problem'"
LMFAO. I know I wasn't the only one who thought it...
More! More! More!
From: Josh
Sent: Thursday, April 01, 2004 10:16 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Novel Feedback
(Long time reader).
Your 'novel' is FANTASTIC. I absolutely love it. If you self-publish
this into a book, I'll buy a copy.
From: Mark
Sent: Thursday, April 01, 2004 9:21 AM
To: submissions@bbspot.com
Subject: April Fools
You know, if it turns out your LOTR: Dark Shadow thingy is an
April Fool's prank, I'll be very upset... I thought it showed
an incredible depth in political powerplay, and, of course, it
hinted at graphic gay dwarf sex scenes, which is rarely a bad
thing...
From: Richard
Sent: Saturday, April 03, 2004 5:40 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Novel Feedback
I really enjoyed "Darkness in a New Era" and am
looking forward to next week's installment. Perhaps you could
make it
a daily entry like The SpotCam?
A couple readers were worried about my safety for publishing such
blasphemy...
From: III
Sent: Friday, April 02, 2004 4:25 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Novel Feedback: Too funny
Ok, I don't care if it is just an April Fools Joke or not, I'm
really glad I don't live near you, lest the LotR purity freaks
firebomb your house (not just your email account) for blasphemy.
Speaking of, is your will in order? I bet it is going to be fun
to read the mailbag this week.
I needed a good laugh, thanks!
I think this is the guy he was talking about...
From: Brad
Sent: Thursday, April 01, 2004 11:47 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Darkness in a New Era
Sorry, but thats just about the rudest affront to the LOR trilogy
that ive ever seen. I would suggest that if you're going to try
writing some sloppy crap like that, the least you could do is
use your own characters, and not insult Tolkien's work.
And of course there's Jackrabbit, who I get every year...
Brian: Going through my e-mail from all the people wanting me
to continue my april fools joke.
Jackrabbit: oh thank God. I
didn't want to say anything. You got me. You got me
good.
Brian: Awesome.
Jackrabbit: I thought "Oh great. Brian's gone fanboy on
me. How do I tell him discreetly that this is a bad idea?" So
instead I just avoided you.
Brian: What is that three years in a row now?
Jackrabbit: probably.
Jackrabbit: I am very VERY relieved to have been had.
I saw it and thought "Oh fuck."
Jackrabbit: damn.
Jackrabbit: damn you, man.
Jackrabbit: I'll give you this, you're good.
or I'm bad or a combination. Every other site I
went to I expected it. I should know better by now.
Brian: This pleases me.
Jackrabbit: it also pleases me. You see, I look at fan
fiction as the lowest form of masturbatory material of all
time. So I'm glad I didn't have to water that down
in the friendly "Jesus, your story is a bad idea" way.
Jackrabbit: what scares me is that some people want you to
carry on.
Jackrabbit: you rock in a very sick way.
Brian: Thanks.
Nigerian Millionaires
Everybody knows how much I love Nigerian scammers. Here's a reader
who had some fun with one...
From: xxxxxxxx@xxxxxx.net
Sent: Wednesday, March 31, 2004 7:16 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: ASSISTANCE IN INVESTMENTS (fwd)
Since everyone's got Nigerian millionaires on the brain still,
after reading your mailbag I figured I'd share.
I received the attached message from good old Zosimo who fled
Zimbabwe and wants me to give him my bank account number under
the pretense that I will help him launder 12 million dollars
out of the Netherlands. (Or so I gather from his broken English)
Anyway I first replied in my own broken english:
> I am extremely interest your business proposal and will give
you my
> bank account information. Please to be contacting me at:
>
> 1 (415) 553-7400
> 450 Golden Gate Avenue, 13th. Floor
> San Francisco, California 94102-9523
This is of course the phone number and address of the FBI field
office in San Francisco.
He replied with another long winded and poorly written email,
indicating to me he had probably not tried to contact me at the
number I provided and wanted me to call him. The nerve.
So I replied back, again in broken English, stating that due
to phone service problems I was unable to call him.
> I
am unable to making calls due to problem telephone service I
have.
> But however, I can receive calls and mail so please contact:
>
> 1 (415) 553-7400
>
> 450 Golden Gate Avenue, 13th. Floor
> San Francisco, California 94102-9523
>
> This will be able to assist you.
>
Roughly a day or so after that I received an email from Zosimo
stating
simply:
> FORK U
I believe I had finally acheived the desired effect. But
the fact that he said "fork" wouldn't leave my mind. He
is obviously attempting some pretty serious crime here. Does
he not want to add "potty mouth" to the list?
Anyway, I couldn't help but reply to this, asking old Zosimo:
> Good Sir,
> Am I to believe you are attempting to threaten me with a kitchen
> utensil or farm implement?
But he hasn't gotten back to me on that yet. I don't think he
likes chatting with me anymore :(
(Now that I think about it, he did mention he was son of the
most popular farmer in zimbabwe. Perhaps he did mean a farm tool.)
That's all for this week!
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