Jan 20 - Feb 18
You may think getting a nipple ring will make you less geeky, but the large electromagnet at the lab has other plans for you.
Feb 19 - Mar 20
When you hear one of your co-workers say "double D" and say that there are no DD batteries, they will realize you need a sex life. You won't realize this, though.
Mar 21 - Apr 19
A small blackout at work will give you a chance to meditate. Use it to think about what excuse you'll use when your boss asks you why you cut the power lines to your building.
Apr 20 - May 20
Keep your homemade stun gun away from large quadrupeds unless you want a hoof stamped on your groin.
May 21 - June 21
The planets have aligned. Interestingly enough, their alignment is in the shape of crosshairs. Beware.
June 22 - July 22
Your boss broke your TAB key. Better find a new way to switch between Visual Studio and Firefox.
July 23 - Aug 22
It's all fun and games until someone gets dipped in cheese and used as shark bait. Better cancel that fishing trip for next weekend.
Aug 23 - Sep 22
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Your heart is very fond of sex.
Sep 23 - Oct 23
The stars want you to know they've been messing with your iPod's shuffle function so all you get is BeeGees and Tom Jones.
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Your lame attempts at modding will damage the computer. Perhaps you shouldn't have used the one from work.
Nov 22 - Dec 21
The stars wish to congratulate you on your 87th straight week of being a complete loser.
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Your online Spanish classes finally pay off when your boss tells you "There is no I in team" and you show him that there IS one in "Equipo."