Cupertino , CA - Other corporations are following Apple's lead by offering shuffle-based technology products.
First to the market was the Nokia Shuffle, a cell phone that can have phone numbers programmed into it, but no way to select which number you call at a given time.
"I can't think of a better way for people to work on their impromptu speaking skills than to have their cell phone randomly call their mother, ex-girlfriend, or the local Hungry Howies," said Nokia representative Rob Walker. "People pay big money to get this training and here at Nokia we have found a way to offer it for only $249 with a 2-year contract."
Following Nokia into the fray was Microsoft. Windows Shuffle is an OS that randomly chooses a program for the user to work with, providing no function to let the user toggle between programs.
Microsoft CEO Bill Gates said, "(Apple CEO) Steve Jobs showed the world that people don't give a rat's ass what you're selling as long as it looks nice. That's why our Windows Shuffle comes in a shiny blue box with MSN butterflies on it."
Some techies refused to fall in line but could, however, be found waiting at the local AMC theater for the release of Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith.
They have been openly speaking out against what they call "corporate menagering".
"Look, we just made up the phrase 'corporate menagering' but come on! People are buying music players that force them to listen to songs randomly! In 1990 my Star Wars Cantina boombox had a shuffle button!" said Tom Cookie.
"The only thing I can relate this idea to is if I were playing Magic the Gathering and instead of playing an Elephant Graveyard mana in a build situation, I was forced to prematurely tap my Snapping Drake. Chaos! Utter chaos!" added fellow Star Wars fan, Craig Shultz.
Much to the chagrin of intelligent people around the nation, the shuffle craze will apparently be around as long as corporations like Nokia, Microsoft and others are willing to cater to the shuffle-crazed consumers.
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