Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.
This one might be even longer than that temporal homophobic one...
Sent: Friday, August 19, 2005 2:20 PM
Subject: (no subject)
Hello Brian, I have recieved emails from scam artist in africa trying to get my bank info to transfer money in strange ways. I often wish one would be true. Is this true what you are saying that there are those out there wanting to give. I have a ministry and I could really use some help. Can you pass this on to philanthopist who you may have contact with. or at least email me back their info.
Here is my letter.
My name is xxxxxxxx from xxxxxx Magazine. We started off as a Christian Magazine. Initially we only were looking for advertisers to support our free magazine distributed in Southern California, We personally went through homelessness after our first year in business with 5 children. We were homeless for a year and finally got back on our feet by the grace of God. The experience led us to re-think our magazine and we began to volunteer to help homeless however we could. Through working and networking we became a homeless and needy family outreach with no pay from our home. We also decided to restart our magazine but this time to focus on the needs of the community. To raise awareness of what are the needs and to present that information to those who can afford and willing to help those who are less fortunate. We have been doing this now for almost 2yrs now and the response is tremendous. Our distribution has been by partners and volunteers. We have been able to distribute magazines across the country but more primarily in our own Southern California. We have networking meetings each quarter the magazine comes out and we usually get a crowd of 100 or more. The meetings in themselves have provided a link network to church, business, community and government. The luncheons have been free, the magazine is distributed for free and people are absorbing what we are able to provide. Donations are scarce and few. Our problem is that our advertisers are not enough to support the magazine or even ourselves. To look at what we do one would think we have money, but we run this primarily out of our home and utilize conference space at a church for meetings with clients. We receive no compensation for any of our work and all money barely is enough to pay the printer and pay for gas to distribute the magazine. All week I have been hearing in my heart to find an angel donor and today I am pulling up your site. I just typed in angel donor and there you were. We are a magazine that needs to run effeciently in which we need assistance to see where we can improve. We also have our ministry to reach out and need to have someone to write for grants to pay future plans to open a family shelter program. We are non profit in the state of california but not yet 501c3, although we can be soon. We are working on getting the funds for the Federal paperwork and fees. We already have a mobile home that can start as one, but we need to have some sort of income so we can pay for our own personal living expenses, mainly to feed our own children and keep a roof over them. We are very unique because there is no other media that is a magazine and an outreach to help the local community. We also plan to have our magazine be a local magazine in areas across the country. We don't need to be rich just able to help others as God has opened doors to help us. Thank you for considering us and we pray their is a way that you can help us. please see our website www.xxxxx.com
Why do these people tell their sob stories to me? Even if there were a Esenam Ayele, I would only be an author of a story about him and not him. What good does it do to tell me your story? Sheesh.
Last week we had a reader who made his sister a Believer, Brandon has some comments about that ...
Sent: Friday, August 19, 2005 11:19 AM
Subject: Mailbag know-it-alls
The only thing funnier than a know-it-all that believes your story about banning gays from flag burning is the know-it-all doesn’t even realize the correct spelling is Darfur not Dafur. Then again, maybe she’s an animal rights activist complaining about deaths for “da fur”.
A couple of interesting emails about our Trailer Reviews...
Sent: Friday, August 19, 2005 10:30 AM
Subject: Re: Trailer Review: The Cave
Just a couple of boring nitpicks:
1. "An expert group of spelunkers"
Check out this site:
I think you'll find that your above statement is an oxymoron :-) And remember: "Cavers rescue spelunkers!"
(Note: IANACaver, but my brother is...)
2. "There are several shots of the monsters which look like pterodactyls on steroids. Doesn't seem like a great adaptation for surviving in the closed-quarters of a cave, but that could just be me."
Funny, it looked more like a giant bat to me? It's certainly the most obvious choice for a cave monster.
(Still silly, though; since bats need to feed outside their caves, these things would have been caught gnawing on farmers' cattle long before now.)
My mistake on the spelunker thing, I'll add that fact to my data bank. On the monsters themselves, I had similar thoughts about their feeding habit and their ability to fly and swim, but didn't want to make the article too long.
Sent: Friday, August 19, 2005 10:06 AM
Subject: Man Quotient
I'd like to let you know that the Man Quotient formula you are using is wrong.
Instead of substracting all kisses, it should be:
- MF Kisses - (MM Kisses)^2 + (FF Kisses)^3
PS: Yes, this would make the crappiest "Night Calls" episode better than LOTR:ROTK. But that's the point.
Due to the rated G nature of most trailers, there won't be any MM or FF kissing scenes in them.
That's all for this week!
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