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Reasons Our Product is Better than the Competition's
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| 11. |
Our celebrity spokesperson starred in some of your favorite movies, theirs molests children (or so we heard). |
| 10. |
We let our 8-year-old employees have a break every six hours. |
| 9. |
Because the mob is on our side, and we have your address. |
| 8. |
Four out of five dentists have never filed a lawsuit against us. |
| 7. |
Our headquarters in the Caribbean means we pay less taxes, so you pay less for our product. |
| 6. |
Companies like GE, Boeing, Ford, Viacom, and Wal-Mart all have employees who have seen commercials for our products. |
| 5. |
The lowest percentage of rat droppings, period! |
| 4. |
We're not saying we use alien technology, but they certainly don't. Nano, nano. |
| 3. |
Animal testing shows only slight genetic modifications. |
| 2. |
Focus-group approved, European-sounding name. |
| 1. |
Faster, stronger, more powerful and that's just our CEO's ejaculations. |
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