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Friday, December 2 12:00 AM ET

Geek Horoscopes
Get the "Best Of Geek Horoscopes" T-shirt

Brought to you by Counter-Strike: Source

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
You'll discover that spending $50 on the FPS Dating Service probably wasn't a good idea.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Good news: A clan wants you to join. Bad news: It's Nigerian and they require your bank account number.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
You will draw the attention of school officials with your encyclopedic knowledge of weapons.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Learning to use special characters in your name will take your CS:S skills to the next level.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
The stars have two words for you: Boom, headshot.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
You will get upset with kids as they call you 'fagot', but only because they keep misspelling it.

 

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Your head will explode in a kaleidoscope of red many times this week.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
The guys at work will get creeped out by your insistence that you can be more productive if you work with a knife in your hands.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
This week, you'll stumble upon a server with players that are worse than you. Remember to bookmark it.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
You'll begin to feel uneasy at the airport, because you've been playing the terrorists for so long.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Your boss won't appreciate you yelling "votekick" every time he speaks at the sales meeting.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
The stars say there's no way you could run, jump and shoot them in the head like that. You must be hacking.

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