Monday, February 20 12:00 AM ET

BBspot Labs: A Look at the New XV-430 Digital Camera

We were able to acquire documentation for Canon's new XV430 camera before it hits the shelves this spring. Let's just say what we found was interesting. Here are some excerpts...

• The XV-430 Digital Camera may not work in shady, heavily wooded, foggy, or other “spooky” areas. This does not indicate a malfunction.
• Your new XV-430 Digital Camera uses delicate electronics and cutting-edge technology. It deserves your humility and respect.
• If you must cough while using the XV-430 Digital Camera, turn your head away and cover your mouth. Do not sneeze while using the XV-430 Digital Camera.
• When not using the XV-430 Digital Camera, it should be kept in its protective case. If the case becomes damaged, worn, soiled, wet or smelly, replace it immediately and incinerate the original case in plain view of the XV-430 Digital Camera.
• Never raise your voice to the XV-430 Digital Camera.
• If you do not know precisely how to use the XV-430 Digital Camera’s manual functions (p. 36), do not attempt to do so. The automatic features are there for your protection.
• The XV-430 Digital Camera may not allow you to delete certain photos featuring blond children, minor-league outfielders and/or jet skis. This is normal.
• If you feel your photos require editing (p. 24), make sure the XV-430 Digital Camera is turned off and in another room where it is dark, cool, and free of drapes or pets. Close the door to this room and lock it.
• Do not expose the XV-430 Digital Camera to partisan rhetoric, daytime television, pagan imagery or cats.
• Do not store the XV-430 Digital Camera near other electronic devices, especially other XV-430 Digital Cameras.
• Women who are nursing, pregnant or may become pregnant should not use the XV-430 Digital Camera.
• If using the XV-430 Digital Camera’s VoiceTag™ feature (p. 38), do not utter the words “uncle,” “shellfish,” “trifecta,” or “Melanie Sheridan.”
• If your photos appear dark or blurry, remain calm. The XV-430 Digital Camera will know what to do.
• Do not allow airport security to confiscate the XV-430 Digital Camera. Do whatever you must to prevent this from occurring.

• Never show hesitation or weakness while using the XV-430 Digital Camera.
• Should you accidentally drop the XV-430 Digital Camera, do not attempt to retrieve it. Walk briskly away and purchase another.
• If you are pleased with your photos from XV-430 Digital Camera, express your appreciation freely, ideally in the company of others. If displeased, remain silent.
• Always conduct yourself in a manner befitting a user of the XV-430 Digital Camera.