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Tuesday, March 28 12:00 AM EDT

Rejected Microsoft Office Assistants

11. Disembodied head of Bill Gates - It's just too creepy.
10. Agent Smith - Kept assimilating all the user's documents.
9. Oprah - Head wouldn't fit on screen.
8. Leafy, the Marijuana leaf - "It looks like you're smoking a joint! Do you need some help with that?"
7. Kickajoo the Kangaroo - Australian accent too hard to understand.
6. Barney the Dinosaur - Customers spending a ton of money replacing monitors with bullet holes in them while trying to shoot Barney.
5. Barfy the Hobo - Children loved him until he threw up on their shoes.
4. Tux the Penguin - Someone in the assistant creation department has a bad sense of humor... and no job.
3. Primi the Fetus - Pro-life groups protested, because you could abort the use of it.
2. Stevie the Em-Ballmer - Too frightening for users of any age.
1. Dell Tech Support Guy - Couldn't make him give any helpful answers.


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