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Tuesday, June 13 12:00 AM EDT

Reasons Americans Don't Watch the World Cup

11. Having a hard time converting from metric goals to imperial.
10. What? All Americans south of Rio Grande watch it!
9. Because soccer is for moms. Or so I've heard.
8. Never got soccer fever immunizations as a kid worried they might catch it.
7. Oath of allegiance to NFL prohibits viewing of soccer matches.
6. Ignoring losing team much easier than admitting you are a loser.
5. Lost all interest after Lance Armstrong retired.
4. Not enough commercial breaks
3. Failing to understand the concept of "the world".
2. Conflicts with summer Fear Factor marathon.
1. Because if you like soccer, the terrorists win.

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