|
Reviewinator |
| Trailer |
Quicktime |
| Starring |
Kristen Bell
Ian Somerhalder
|
| Director |
Jim Sonzero |
| Official Site |
Link |
| US Opening |
August 11, 2006
|
| Rated |
R |
| Genre |
Horror |
| Explosions |
1 |
| Weapons |
Outlook Express |
Man Quotient
|
1.6
(Explosions + Weapons + Hot Babes - Kisses)/ Minutes |
| Voiceover |
Yes |
Trailer
Déjà Vu |
Horror 101 |
| Spoilage Factor |
45% |
| Geek Factor |
20% |
| See Trailer? |
No |
| See Movie? |
No |
I'm willing to suspend some disbelief for a movie, especially a horror movie, but at first glance the premise for Pulse just sounds dumb to me. Not wanting to judge too quickly I watched the trailer again. Yup, still dumb. The idea is that dead people are using the Internet to get back to the world of the living. As far-fetched as that premise sounds, I can see some "concerned parents" testifying before congress about how we must ban kids from the Internet, because of this new threat.
The trailer opens with a beautiful woman (has there been a horror movie with plain girls getting killed) finding her friend dead. He killed himself. Two days later she gets an email from him. Her beautiful friend gets the email too. Her friends who are computer experts and therefore must look dorky think it's just a virus. But she wasn't even connected to the Internet!
It's the good-looking computer guy that finds the real answer. He boots the hard drive to find a creepy screensaver. There are dead people on it and they want to get out. She asks how long he's been watching them, but with his quick, good-looking wit he says, "How long have they been watching me?" Probably about as long as you took looking at yourself in the mirror this morning.
 |
"Hey ugly face, you're
so not my friend any more"
|
She gets a shipment of red duct tape from her dead friend with a note that says it keeps them out. The dorky computer nerd wonders what "it" is. The hot girl knows. It keeps out the dead people who are following her.
Next the dead people send twelve pages to her printer. She has the brains to know that it's some sort of secret message. She arranges the pages together to form a creepy face. Wouldn't it have been easier just to send one page with a creepy face on it? What if the girl you were sending it to couldn't solve the puzzle? She uses Outlook Express, she can't be that bright.
Next dead people are popping up everywhere, out of walls, washing machines, bathtubs, floors. No place is safe unless you have the tape. The Department of Homeland Security was right! The guy that overreacts all the time says that the dead people were there all the time and were just waiting for a window into our world – Windows ME.
 |
My love
There's only you in my life
The only thing that's right
|
Lastly we get a plane crashing with a voice telling us that the dead people can come through anywhere there is electricity and that they are going to kill all of us. Except for the smart good-looking people. You will be spared. Ugly and smart – dead. Beautiful and dumb – dead. Ugly and dumb – you were never alive to begin with.
Conclusion on Trailer: I couldn't get past the dumb premise. After that, nothing else mattered. It looked like a standard horror movie trailer. Creepy, but not worth the download.
Conclusion on Movie: Maybe the premise can be explained better in a full-length movie than a two-and-a-half minute trailer, but I doubt it. If you're a fan of horror, you'll probably enjoy it, if not you should just stay at home and stock up on the red tape.
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