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Tuesday, September 5 12:00 AM EDT

Rejected Sequels to Snakes on a Plane

11. Aches on a Plane: Flight attendants go crazy and massacre a plane filled with old people who can't stop complaining about their aching backs.
10. Rakes on a Plane: Hilarity strikes as rakes left in the aisles of a 747 bonk passengers on the forehead.
9. Fakes on a Plane: Terror strikes the passengers of plane when, during turbulence, the silicone breasts jiggle out of control.
8. Mistakes on a Plane: Terror strikes the moviegoers as a series of plot holes and continuity gaps make this the most dreadful film to watch.
7. Stakes on a Plane: Terror strikes the vampire passengers of a plane when one of the human passengers pulls out a wooden stake from his carry-on luggage.
6. Shakes on a Plane: Terror strikes the passengers of a plane when the pilot has too many cups of coffee and gets the shakes.
5. Quakes on a Plane: Terror strikes the passengers of a plane when a friendly Quake game turns into a brawl.
4. Flakes on a Plane: Terror strikes the passengers of a plane when one of the passenger's severe dandruff problem clogs up the air conditioning system.
3. Cakes on a Plane: Terror strikes the passengers of a plane when hordes of cake-wielding clowns run amok onboard.
2. Steaks on a Plane: Terror strikes the passengers of a plane when they find out some of the steaks from the inflight lunch have mad cow disease.
1. Frakes on a Plane: Terror strikes Commander Riker as he's placed in coach class with the Star Trek Fan Club of Minneapolis.


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