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Friday, December 15 12:00 AM EDT

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
He knows if you've been bad or good. He also works for the RIAA. Expect a lawsuit soon.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Even if you try to explain it a thousand times, she won't understand why you got her a cooling fan for Christmas. Better get her some shoes again, instead.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
Your kids are getting smarter. They're planning on putting a webcam pointed at the Christmas tree to try and catch Santa on video. For their sake, don't put the presents under the tree while drunk and half-naked again.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
You will quickly find that eggnog does not work well as coolant for your PC.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
You will have a hard time getting a kiss this Christmas, as all mistletoe you walk by seems to wither and die. A shower may be in order.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Your D&D group will not be thrilled by your idea of using 12-sided dreidls.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
While everyone else will be waiting in line for a PS3 or a Wii, you will be the only one waiting in line for the new Vanilla Ice album. And nobody will have the heart to tell you there isn't one.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Connecting your Christmas tree to the USB port of your computer is not a good idea, as your newly burnt motherboard will find out.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
Your Gingerbread Isengard will win you first place in the Christmas baking contest. It will also earn you a beating by a bunch of 60-year-old women.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
You may think your holiday lights this year are awesome, but some of your neighbors don't appreciate the enormous Santa silhouette and the 8-foot tall letters reading "Live Long and Prosper, Ho Ho Ho!"

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Be wary of your Secret Santa at the office this year. Their last gift will be a note that reads "If you want your present, meet me in the warehouse at midnight."

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Don ye now your geek apparel. Wear your BBspot T-Shirt today!

 
 
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