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Announcements Steve Jobs Will Never Make
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| 11. |
Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! |
| 10. |
My ego-reduction surgery was a success and I'd like to announce that I'm not that great. |
| 9. |
I'm pleased to announce Apple's agreement with Wal-Mart to be the exclusive outlet for the brown iPods. |
| 8. |
I present to you the iBananaPhone! |
| 7. |
I did not have sexual relations with that man, Mr. Bill Gates. |
| 6. |
I'm officially changing my name from "Steve" to "Blow." |
| 5. |
Here at Apple we pride ourselves on thinking different, our new spokesperson has a history of thinking different. Ladies and gentlemen, a big round of applause for Charles Manson! |
| 4. |
So, after embedding the micro iPod chip in your testicle it can sense when you're having sex and play the right music. |
| 3. |
We have run out of species of cats for our operating system names, so we're gonna start with species of sloths. |
| 2. |
I give to you the iZune. |
| 1. |
Ladies and gentlemen, I died last night of a heart attack. |
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This one goes to 11.
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