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Tuesday, June 12 12:00 AM EDT

Plot Points That Won't Be in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

11. Mrs. Weasley is pregnant again. This time with triplets, and Harry and Ron have to deliver the babies.
10. Hagrid gets cancer and loses all his hair in chemotherapy. A fund raiser at Hogwarts fails to raise enough money for his final treatment, and he dies.
9. Ron, tired of all the attention paid to Harry, becomes a pyromaniac and burns Hogwarts downto the ground.
8. The blossoming of the romance between Millicent Bulstrode and Vincent Crabbe takes a turn for the torrid.
7. Harry's battle with an irritable bowel.
6. Professor McGonagall teaches Hermione the spells to deal with a witch's "monthly visitor."
5. Harry's scar was actually a rare case of forehead herpes.
4. Voldemort's attention is diverted by a surprise attack lead by Hermione. Harry and Ron struggle towards Mount Domb trying to destroy the One Wand of Power.
3. Harry gets nailed to a cross, then comes back to life.
2. Neville trips on Harry's corpse and accidentally stabs Voldemort in the heart with his wand.
1. Snape becomes a crusader for the legalization of pot. Starts hanging out in Leg Alley.


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