Cambridge, MA – Much has been made of Comcast paying people to fill up an FCC hearing so that opponents couldn't get seats, but less reported was the fact that everyone at the hearing was a stand-in.
All five FCC commissioners were actually college interns working in their office, but because the rest of the hall was filled with stand-ins no one noticed.
When questioned about it FCC chairman Kevin Martin said, “You can't really blame us, can you? These meetings are boring and we've already made up our minds anyway, so why waste our time?"
Standing in for Comcast Executive Vice-President David Cohen was Tom Triskin who drives a repair truck for the company. “I didn't know who any of the people were, but they seemed nice enough. I was surprised that most of the questions were on how to get HBO for free though.”
Many people fell asleep during the six-hour hearing especially during the Comcast OnDemand showing of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. “Great movie” said Triskin.
Ben Holden, who sat in for FCC Chairman Kevin Johnson, said, “I didn't like that Triskin/Cohen guy. He couldn't answer my question about why my cable always cuts out during the good parts of Dexter. That's rather suspicious don't you think?”
The reports of a hearing full of stand-ins have led FCC Chairman Martin to consider holding more hearings. “The whole hearing made a mockery of the process. Next time we'll hold a closed hearing, so no one will notice we're not there."