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Friday, March 7 12:00 AM EDT

Geek Horoscopes

Brought to you by the geek stars from 10,000 BCE

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
The stars think you need to get of the cave every once in a while. That mammoth isn't going to kill itself.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Maybe you should check out that black monolith again. It's got some good ideas.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
You will earn great wealth and respect for your work fixing the Y10K bug.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Your new high-tech iPot will be the envy of all the gatherers in your tribe.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Your new "Super Poke" with a stick will prove very effective in annoying everyone.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
The stars remind you not to run with sacrificial daggers.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
You might be the smartest man in the tribe, but the saber-toothed tiger only cares about how fast you can run.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Get ready, your mom and dad will invite you over for dinner, but it's only a pretense to get you over to their cave to fix their wheel.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Congratulations, you will be discovering a new number this week!

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
The stars predict that you will once again be picked last by the captain to play "kick the human head of your enemies."

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Uggah, oogah, unh!

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
Your attempts to create an on-line presence will succeed when several people notice you hanging from a line.

 

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