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Tuesday, April 8 12:00 AM EDT

Lines You Don't Want to See in a Privacy Policy


11. No one will have access to your data, not even my brother-in-law in the Russian mafia.
10. We collect personal information including pages visited and time spent on pages. Also a man will be around tomorrow to collect your fingerprints, a vial of urine and a DNA sample.
9. Sharing is caring. We care about your privacy.
8. We do not ask children under 13 for personal information, but we wouldn't mind if they sent us pictures.
7. Your credit card information will be securely stored using our patented ROT-26 encryption.
6. We reserve the right to use any pictures we may have obtained from your unsecured webcam.
5. We limit access to your personal information to anyone in our company with a computer and an Internet connection.
4. We will not sell your personal information unless offered money for it.
3. Just because we don't share your private information doesn't mean our spyware won't.
2. If an employee from our company shows up at your door with flowers, he certainly didn't get the information from us.
1. We're doing a heckuva job protecting your privacy.

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