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Tuesday, August 26 12:00 AM EDT

Reasons I'm Qualified to Be Vice-President


11. I live in Michigan which borders Canadian giving me experience in international relations.
10. I'm fully versed in counter-terrorism strategy with my years of experience playing Counter-Strike.
9. I believe in science.
8. I've taken on big oil by riding my bike to the library.
7. I run a corporation with a global reach giving me the needed executive experience.
6. By watching every episode of Star Trek: The Original Series and many episodes of The Next Generation, I've mastered the various strategies of diplomacy.
5. I'm married to an Iranian demonstrating my ability to bridge the gap between the two countries.
4. Hours of time spent playing Team Fortress 2 gives me ample experience in the much needed "shotgun to the face" area.
3. Unlike all the current candidates, I have spent a month in Iran.
2. I could totally fool North Korea into believing that all Americans have superpowers.
1. My ability to hurt myself would gain sympathy from other nations which we could use to rebuild America's standing in the world.

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