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Thursday, October 30 12:00 AM ET

Seven Tips for the Recently-Laid Geek

By Brian Briggs

This is a companion piece to yesterday's piece about the recently laid-off geek. The conservation of characters made this list the most ecologically friendly. Tomorrow expect "Seven Tips for the Recent Geek" and so on until we get to just "Geek."

Follow these tips, and whether it's your first time or your second time, they'll make for a better post-coitus experience...

  1. Act like you've been there before - You've seen enough movies where the geek gets the girl, in fact those are probably your favorite genre of movie even surpassing comic-book superhero adaptations. High fives and end zone dances are amateurish. Show some class.

  2. Don't post video - I know it's tempting to post the secret webcam video you took of the event when someone asks for proof, but this could result in you being a recently-broken up geek when he or she finds the video. Or the recently-beaten to death geek which would be much worse.

  3. Stay in bed for at least ten minutes after - The guys in the guild will understand if you're late for the raid on Blackwing Lair, but you might not get that kind of understanding from your partner.

  4. Facebook Status - Post-coitus, don't change your Facebook status to "<ME> has recently orgasmed." You've probably friended your mom or your boss or your sister and they really don't need that information.

  5. Save the rating for later - No matter how great it was, don't tell him/her "5 stars. Would boink again!!!!" Save that for the nearly empty private journal you've been keeping since high school.

  6. Waste Disposal - Don't forget drop the used condom in the Aperture Science Emergency Condom Incinerator before leaving. It takes away the worry about unexpected discovery by a third party, and keeps your room smelling of moldy pizza instead of, well, sex.

  7. Stop the Science Talk - People don't want to hear about the biology, physics, or mathematics of what just happened. Save that for your thesis.

 

 

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