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Tuesday, February 17 12:00 AM EDT

Top 11 Things You Won't Find at the Microsoft Store

11. DVDs of The Pirates of Silicon Valley and Antitrust
10. A John Hodgman bobblehead
9. Steve Ballmer action figure with Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Action Jump
8. Windows ME commemorative plate
7. "I found it on Google" T-shirts
6. Bill Gates voodoo doll
5. Jar of mosquitoes
4. The red ring of death decoder ring
3. A date
2. Office Pack with just the software you want
1. Me

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