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Friday, May 8 12:00 AM EDT

Geek Horoscopes


Brought to You by Star Trek

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Because of a burst of tachyons the stars are unable to use sensors to detect your horoscope.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Wearing your red ensign shirt to the movie will just ensure you will be sent on the away mission to get popcorn and thus miss parts of the movie.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
The stars don't want you boldly going on them.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
You will discover that using your Bat'leth to keep people quiet in the theater only results in more screaming.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
You will embarrass your daughter with your phaser and Original Series Kirk shirt at the premiere. She'll never forget. Double your retirement savings.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Good News: You will be on your first away mission Bad News: You are security.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Your homemade Spock ears will be the laughing stock of everyone in line at the theater. Reconsider your idea of supergluing them to your ears.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
You will suffer "the wrath of Khan" after eating some bad gagh.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Casual Friday does not mean dressing up as a female Klingon.  Expect the stockholders to point that out at the board meeting.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
You will not live long or prosper. Spock is a liar.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
You will discover firsthand that the Vulcan Nerve Pinch is not as painful as the Vulcan Nut Pinch.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Your joke about wishing Christoper Pike had played Kirk in the new movie goes unlaughed at by your family.

 

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