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Tuesday, May 26 12:00 AM EDT

Reasons Your Search Engine Will Fail

11. For every search performed, one acre of rainforest is destroyed.
10. Searching for "xxx" only returns links to Vin Diesel's website.
9. Tech media sites call you a "Google killer."
8. Your spider refuses to crawl the insecticide websites.
7. It's called "Ask Hitler."
6. Users must enter their e-mail address for every search, then click the confirmation link they received in order to view the results.
5. Results returned in minutes instead of seconds, so users have time prepare their brains for the "mind-blowing" results.
4. To get search results it sends out your query to Twitter and relies on Tweeps to return relevant links.
3. When you type in your search, it keeps asking you "What?"
2. Your "data center" consists of 10 iMacs and a Commodore 64.
1. It's not Google.

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