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Wednesday, August 19 12:00 AM EDT

Ways to Revive MySpace

11. Change name to hope enough confused people go there.
10. Sleep with everyone at Google until they buy you.
9. Hold contest to see if Tom lives or dies.
8. Auction itself on eBay.
7. Find a priest or healer at the nearest town.
6. Shrivel up and die as planned, and hope for a magical phoenix-like resurrection.
5. Hire Justin Long and John Hodgman to do "I'm MySpace / I'm Facebook" ads.
4. Less embedded media, more pictures of squirrels.
3. Add a huge "Powered By Ubuntu" gif to all pages.
2. Invent time machine, go back to 2003 and register Facebook domain name.
1. Does not compute.

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