Sep 23 - Oct 23
You'll discover that your animatronic Jason set in your front yard to frighten trick-or-treaters ended up killing 34 people.
Oct 24 - Nov 21
The Great Old Ones predict you will not fool anyone with that sexy kitten costume, Cthulhu.
Nov 22 - Dec 21
No matter how funny you find it, it's inappropriate to throw plants at kids dressed as zombies.
Dec 22 - Jan 19
The stars think you should forget your idea of going out naked on Halloween and claiming you are a shedding Wookiee. Nobody needs to see that.
Jan 20 - Feb 18
You will sustain an injury in an embarrassing place when you mistakenly activate your Autobot costume.
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Parents will not appreciate you handing out highly-caffeinated sugar bombs to kids this year.
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Only 10 people will get your Oct 31 = Dec 25 joke.
Apr 20 - May 20
Your onion jack-o-lanterns will make baby Jesus cry.
May 21 - June 21
Your display of a computer plugged directly into an outlet without a surge protector, running Windows Me with no virus protection and hooked up directly to the internet with no hardware or software firewall will fail to frighten anyone.
June 22 - July 22
Being a slob will pay off, as your house's windows will have the best cobwebs on the block.
July 23 - Aug 22
You'll realize too late that implanting a GPS in every piece of candy to track it's movement on your "Where's the Baby Ruth" site is not a good idea.
Aug 23 - Sep 22
You will be arrested and charged with several counts of homicide when you lose it after the 15 kid dressed as Edward Cullen shows up at your door.