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Tuesday, November 10, 12:00 AM EDT

Things I'd Rather Do Than Watch the New Twilight Movie

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11. Eat a breakfast of Frost Broken Glass Flakes drenched in sulphuric acid.
10. Create a corn maze which reads "Twilight Sucks" when viewed from the air.
9. Remove my fingernails with my Swiss Army Knife then reattach them with salted duct tape.
8. Become a taste tester at Miller Brewing.
7. Start an Internet rumor that Robert Pattinson has died, and they aren't going to finish the movies because of it.
6. Let a real vampire show me what being a vampire is all about.
5. Tell 4chan they suck then give them my home phone number and address.
4. Dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades.
3. Poke out my eyes to see if hidden regeneration ability makes them grow back.
2. Change my WoW password to a randomly generated 64-character string, and not write it down.
1. Drink decaf.

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