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Top 11 Things I Still Won't Be Able to Do
After I Upgrade My Computer

11. Touch Scarlett Johansson.
10. Find the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything.
9. Want an iPad.
8. Replace those years of not being able to play games at the highest settings.
7. Find a real job.
6. Keep my office cool during the summer.
5. Get my kids to understand why they can't upgrade their computers.
4. Create a rift in the time-space continuum.
3. Hide my secrets from the future with math.
2. Erase the stain of Attack of the Clones from my psyche.
1. Go back in time an put all my life savings in Google stock at the IPO.

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