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Norfolk, VA - On the heels of their "Got
Beer?" program which discouraged the use of dairy products,
PETA announced today their new "Got Acid?" campaign. PETA
hopes to slow the resurgent popularity of licking toads for their
hallucinogenic properties.
 A PETA spokeswoman went
on to explain that toad licking is often traumatic, harmful, and
sometimes fatal---For the toads. "Instead we find LSD
is a much better animal free alternative. We know the toad
licking lobby is powerful, but the message needs to be heard."
PETA has been setting up booths on college campuses nationwide from
which they distribute informational pamphlets and samples of acid. "We
put the LSD on these little toady stickers. Now you can lick the
toad without harming an animal. Isn't that just adorable," said
PETA volunteer Yolanda Wright. The pamphlets encourage people
to find out the position of both local and national candidates on
toad licking before casting their ballot in November.
From the swamps of south Florida, toad licker Francis Franklin said, "PETA
is spreading more lies. Toad licking lets people commune with
nature, and when done properly doesn't harm the toad. LSD just doesn't
give as intense hallucinations as toad licking. PETA can take
my toad away when they tear it from my cold dead lips."
Franklin proposes more education on the proper techniques of toad
licking, instead of an outright ban. "We must get to children
early because bad habits are hard to break."
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