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Gray Davis
Platform: Democrat
Qualifications: Current Governor of California
Gray Davis isn't gonna go down easy. He's packin' the big guns and
he's ready to take on the Terminator.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger
Platform: Republican
Qualifications: Actor, Pro Bodybuilder
Perhaps best known for his roles in Twins and Junior,
Arnold is going to be tough to beat. Let's just hope he can govern
California as well as he can act... on second thought...
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Angelyne
Platform: You're kidding, right?
Qualifications: "Model"
She's already plastered all over billboards throughout LA, so she's got
her campaign advertisements in place. In a two month campaign, that counts
for something. |
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Arianna Huffington
Platform: Independent
Qualifications: Political
Columnist, Radio Show Host, Author
This Greek immigrant is a syndicated columnist, the host of a talk
radio show, author of 8 books, and the hottest 53 year old to ever
run for CA governor.
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Cruz
Bustamante
Platform: Democrat
Qualifications: Lieutenant Governor
Bustamante decides to go over Davis' head and try to become governor
himself. Way to support your governor, you traitorous asshole. |
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Peter
Camejo
Platform: Green
Qualifications: Ran for the same position last Fall
Man, that's dedication. The poor guy only managed to get 5.3% of the
vote last fall, and yet he's at it again. A Green Party poster boy who
supports the legalization of marijuana, among other things. |
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Gary
Coleman
Platform: Whatchu talkin' bout
Qualifications: Former child star, security guard
After a local
paper put Gary on the ballot, he stepped up to the challenge. His
slogan is "Sometimes the least qualified man is the best man for the
job." Yeah, he's gonna vote for Arnold too. |
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Larry
Flynt
Platform: A Wheelchair
Qualifications: Self-proclaimed Smut Peddler
Flynt wants to legalize prostitution, encourage gambling, and grant amnesty
to all illegal immigrants in California. Sounds like a party. |
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Mary
Carey
Platform: What's a platform?
Qualifications: Porn Star
I'm sure her distinguished past speaks for itself. This candidate is
focused on the real issues, such as grabbing her crotch and posing for
Polaroids with trailer trash. |
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Tom McClintock
Platform: Republican
Qualifications: State Senator
I'd hate to tell you Tommy boy, but if you want to win this election,
you had better start doing a little song and dance or something. You're
too boring.
|
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Mark
Mishkin
Platform: Independent
Qualifications: High school history teacher
This 30-year old is running so he will have a real life example of the
democratic process to tell his students about.
|
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Bill
Simon
Platform: Republican
Qualifications: Rich businessman
He also lost to Davis last fall, and it's reported that he's still in
$9.5 million in debt from that campaign. But here he is, at it again. |
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Gallagher
Platform: Watermelon, Sledgehammer, & Plastic
Tarp
Qualifications: Washed-up prop comedian
The only people Gallagher might win votes from are the senior citizens,
who are so senile they actually still find his shit funny. |
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Ned Roscoe
Platform: Libertarian, Smoker's Party
Qualifications: Chain smoker
His only real interest is smoking. He wants to lower cigarette taxes
and make California a better place for smokers. Oh, and he owns a tobacco
business. |
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Peter
Ueberroth
Platform: Republican/Independent
Qualifications: Former MLB Commissioner, Organizer
1984 Summer Olympics
His latest appearance was on the website deadoraliveinfo.com.
If that means anything about his popularity.
|
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Donald
Novello
Platform: Democrat
Qualifications: Comedian
Better known as Father Guido Sarducci, formerly of Saturday Night Live
fame. I think he might get more attention if he dressed up like this
while campaigning. |
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Georgy
Russell
Platform: Green?
Qualifications: Software Engineer
This beautiful 26-year old has been selling thong underwear to promote
her campaign. She has a lot of Green party beliefs including the legalization
of marijuana and gay marriages. |
