Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without
the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing
because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of
the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just
I'm not one for hyperbole, but I have to say that the message
that follows is the...
Best. Email. Ever.
From: Peter Jackson [mailto:email@example.com]
Sent: Wednesday, March 26, 2003 8:46 PM
One of my production assistants sent me your story about
the new character in The Return of the King, Jar-Jaromir. I
have to say that I found it absolutely hilarious. I want to
let you know that all the cast and crew love it.
While I can't put Jar-Jaromir in the film, we would like
to create a scene for the DVD extras for the Return release.
I'm having my people talk to Lucas, but I don't think there
will be a problem with that. We are sending over some documents
for you to take a look at as well.
Thanks for the laugh.
I'm still speechless.
Now take a ride on the BBspot rollercoaster as unbelievable good
news is followed by threats of a lawsuit from a company that has
a lot of money to spend on lawyers...
From: Karl Franks [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: Thursday, March 27, 2003 8:45 AM
Subject: Operation Red, White and Blue Screen of Death
Dear Mr. Briggs,
Your story located at http://bbspot.com/News/2003/03/rwbsod.html is
full of untruths about the Microsoft Corporation. Including:
- Microsoft has never offered free copies of Windows 95.
- Microsoft has never modified the license allowing unlimited
copying of Windows 95.
- Microsoft has no VP of Marketing named Marie Bixby.
- Apple's Quicktime or the RealOne player would do much
more to damage Iraqi computers than Windows 95.
As a legal representative of the company we ask that you
remove the story immediately, or at least remove all references
to Microsoft from the story. You have 48 hours to comply with
our request. Thank you.
Damn, I hope he doesn't surf around the site very much, or
else I could lose half of my stories.
Not everyone who gets fooled by BBspot stories has an AOL account...
From: Debbie Stabenow [mailto:email@example.com]
Sent: Sunday, March 30, 2003 10:24 AM
Subject: Michigan Senators
I want to thank you for sending me your story http://bbspot.com/News/2003/03/iraq_hookers.html about
recent legislation which just passed. As the junior Senator
from Michigan I can state that your story is fraught with inaccuracies.
There is no Senator Vern Hamilton from Michigan. Vern Hamilton
is a Senator from Nevada, where I might add, prostitution is
legal. Also, after poring over the Senate record I was unable
to find this legislation which you cite.
I suggest you receive your news from a more reliable source.
Senator Debbie Stabenow
This one is definitely going to be framed.
And now for a real mind bender. This cynical reader doesn't believe
the emails I get from people believing BBspot stories...
From: Nairb Sggirb [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: Monday, March 31, 2003 10:39 AM
I have serious doubts about the emails you post in your Mailbag
feature. What kind of fools do you think we are out here? Anyone
dumb enough to believe the stories you write certainly hasn't
advanced enough intellectually to be able to operate a computer,
let alone write and send an e-mail.
Furthermore, I think it shows disrespect to your loyal readers
that you try to trick us with these fabricated messages you
create. I appreciate your effort at creating false personas,
fake email addresses and even realistic misspellings, but really
I think your time should be better spent writing more satire
articles instead of these shitty fake emails.
Seriously, if you do it one more FUCKING time, I'm going
to stop reading BBSpot FOREVER.
BTW great job on the redesign, and when are we going to see
more Fuzzy Logics?
I hate to break it to Nairb, but all the messages I've posted
in the Mailbag section have been authentic emails from readers...
Except for this time. If you haven't figured it out already
then - APRIL FOOLS.
That's all for this week. Thanks.
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