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Thursday,  June 26 12:01 AM EDT

Rumsfeld Accuses Saddam of Camping

By Peter Kenway

Washington DC - Many think the war in cs_iraq is over, but one terrorist is camping an obscure corner of the map trying to force a draw, according to US Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.

Camping Saddam"He knows he can't win the round, so he's just camping where we can't find him, waiting for time to run out. Saddam is such a lamer," claimed Rumsfeld in a press conference today. "He's probably wallhacking too."

"This is just another example of his pattern of behavior,"continued Rumsfeld, who accused the {Ba'ath} clan of hiding behind hostages to decrease the US's score, in addition to other war crimes. "Its these cheaters and lamers that are ruining the fun of war for the rest of us."

The [US] clan has rolled through recent tournaments, handing defeat to the |TaLiBAN| clan in cs_kandahar, but has come under fire in the press lately for accusations of AWP-whoring and bunny-hopping. Elite defense analyst Thomas Franklin points out that clan [US] has repeatedly refused requests that they install Punkbuster. "They have no credibility. How do we know they're not cheating themselves? What a bunch of whiners."

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Rumsfeld dismisses these charges. "This is all just a smoke and mirrors act. Saddam is the real cheater here. We have definitive proof that he used aimbot tons and tons of times, we just can't find it."

When asked about what upcoming clan battles team [US] has planned, Rumsfeld replied, "I just want to say that we're aware of what -=NK=-KimJong-afk has been saying about us in chatrooms. We'll see if he can still talk that trash after I headshot him with my deagle. This isn't Starcraft. Those Koreans don't stand a chance."

-=NK=-KimJong-afk was unavailable for comment.

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