Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without
the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing
because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of
the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just
I'd love to link the
article this person believed, but as you'll see it's not so obvious....
Sent: Wednesday, October 01, 2003 4:22 PM
Subject: so is this true or just for fun
I read your article, and got a lot of pleasure out of doing
so. But honestly, is it real??
My only answer can be yes, no, and maybe so.
Last week I
won the BAD TASTE AWARD from Brenda because she was disgusted by
article, this week the defense steps in...
Sent: Wednesday, October 01, 2003 9:11 AM
Subject: RIAA Zombies
This is for Brenda:
Perhaps you're in denial about Elvis actually being dead.
That article was well-written, wacky, and satirical. The
photo was a masterpiece. Please be more considerate of those
who enjoy reading about the un-dead in the future.
I always enjoy BBspot
Gotta love that reader-on-reader hatin'.
This next hater comes from ever courteous AOL-land. He was a bit
concerned about stealing someone else's joke in my Mississippi
Sent: Sunday, October 05, 2003 10:53 PM
Subject: Your Mississippi Burning Cross Article.
One of the quotes on there was stolen from a Bill Hicks routine.
"Do you think Jesus wants to come back and see all these
Don't be a dick--Give the actual source.
Mr. Hicks might be the most popular comedian on the face
of the earth for all I know, butI want to say that I had never
heard of Bill Hicks or that joke when I wrote the article.
The article itself lent itself to a similar joke. I also told
him that and that I didn't appreciate being called a dick.
Who does? He couldn't believe my explanation....
Sent: Monday, October 06, 2003 2:55 PM
Subject: Re: Your Mississippi Burning Cross Article.
Were you capable of basic fourth grade reading comprehension,
you'd see that I never called you a dick. I simply told you
not to be one, in letting the quote go without it's proper
credit. And, yes, while it is possible that someone "could" make
a similar joke, not only is it widely recognized as trademark-Hicks,
the similarities between it and the quote on your website are
too close to simply be coincidence.
Fanatics have a hard time realizing that there are a lot
of people on this earth who have never heard of nor care about
the particular thing they are fanatical about. I also think
it's a bit of a stretch for him to claim he writes at a fourth
grade level. His logic certainly isn't at that level.
I want to thank Mr. Hicks for making a fine joke. I'm sure
he was a very funny man. I didn't borrow it, but since he wrote
it first he deserves the credit anyway.
I'm So Excited!
This guy must be related to Will Smith from last
week. I want to break down this scam e-mail, because it is
so awful. If anyone falls for this then they really deserve to
From: JENNY JOHNS (all caps) [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org] (serious
business with a hotmail account?)
Sent: Tuesday, October 07, 2003 7:55 AM
Subject: T SHIRTS ORDER
I AM THE MANAGING DIRECTOR OF THE NYANSA PRINTING PRESS. LIKE I SAID (Where
did you say this before?),OUR COMPANY IS 15 YEARS (I thought you said
it was NYANSA PRINTING, now it's called 15 YEARS?) AND WE WANT 3000 PCS
OF YOUR BLANK T SHIRTS (I don't even sell blank t-shirts) FOR OUR
UPCOMING 15TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION. I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN SHIPPED
TO GHANA WEST AFRICA (Yes, I'll ship you 3,000 shirts to Ghana West Africa.
The shipping cost alone would be more than the shirts I imagine.).THE
ORDER DETAILS MUST BE IN THIS FORMART (I don't have a Formart store by
COLOUR SIZE QTY
------------ --------- ---------
WHITE XXXL 600
WHITE XXL 600
YELLOW XXXL 400
YELLOW XXL 400
RED XXXL 300
RED XXL 300
ORANGE XXXL 200
ORANGE XXL 200 (All XXL and XXXL shirts, must be a lot of fat people in
I THINK THIS WILL BE OKAY FOR THE MEAN TIME. BUT I AM SURE TO
RETURNED TO YOU WHEN WE NEED SOME MORE NEXT TIME (Oh man,
you'll try to scam me again if I agree this time! What a deal!) .PLEASE
REPLY WITH THE TOTTAL CHARGES AND I WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH MY
CREDIT CARD DETAILS FOR THE TOTTAL CHARGES TOGETHER WITH THE
SHIPPING CHARGES.SORRY FOR USING MY SECRETARIES EMAIL ADDRESS (Yes,
why is that?) .THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATE AND GOD BLESS
YOU (and strike you dead if you fall for this).
MD MICHEAL OFORI (Guy can't even spell his own name right.)
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 10:59 PM
To: Brian Briggs
Subject: Dance Monkeyboy Story
It occured to me that I never told you this story that you
A bit over two years ago when you posted the Dance
Monkeyboy video in the Daily Links, I was quick to download
it. I loved it, but was irritated by the constantly dying
mirror sites. Naturally, I uploaded the video to my $10 a
month web host and emailed ntk. I got my name put on the
mirror list. Now, I had a cheap account with probably no
more than 1 gig of transfer per month. This was at the peak
of the video's popularity. In about 20 hours, my site was
shut down. My memory is a bit fuzzy, but as I recall I ran
up 340 gb of transfer at $10 per gig. In essence, a lot of
transfer. So when I called up to figure out why they had
disabled my account (I was a bit naive), I was surprised
to learn that I owed $3400 and change. Perhaps a bit of information
about myself would help. At that point, I was 16, and was
paying for that hosting account out of my allowance, although
I had just got my first web design contract that allowed
me to pull in about $20 per week. Having heard my pantings,
exclamations, and an explanation of my naivity and age, my
normally callous webhost was kind enough to throw out the
debt as long as I got myself the hell off of their servers.
And that's how I ended up a merely crossed out url on ntk's
website, with no more than a humorous comment about that
my webhost must have done to me.
Thanks for helping to create the memories,
I'm always happy to help in ruining the credit of today's
youth! You're welcome.
That's all for this week!
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