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Wednesday, October 8 12:01 AM EST

BBspot Mailbag

Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.

Believers

I'd love to link the article this person believed, but as you'll see it's not so obvious....

From: Rhonda
Sent: Wednesday, October 01, 2003 4:22 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: so is this true or just for fun

I read your article, and got a lot of pleasure out of doing so. But honestly, is it real??

Rhonda

My only answer can be yes, no, and maybe so.

Haters

Last week I won the BAD TASTE AWARD from Brenda because she was disgusted by the zombie article, this week the defense steps in...

From: Yan
Sent: Wednesday, October 01, 2003 9:11 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: RIAA Zombies

This is for Brenda:

Perhaps you're in denial about Elvis actually being dead.

That article was well-written, wacky, and satirical. The photo was a masterpiece. Please be more considerate of those who enjoy reading about the un-dead in the future.

I always enjoy BBspot

Gotta love that reader-on-reader hatin'.

This next hater comes from ever courteous AOL-land. He was a bit concerned about stealing someone else's joke in my Mississippi burning story...

From: xxxxxxx@aol.com
Sent: Sunday, October 05, 2003 10:53 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Your Mississippi Burning Cross Article.

One of the quotes on there was stolen from a Bill Hicks routine.

"Do you think Jesus wants to come back and see all these crosses.." Etc?

Bill Hicks.

Don't be a dick--Give the actual source.

Mr. Hicks might be the most popular comedian on the face of the earth for all I know, butI want to say that I had never heard of Bill Hicks or that joke when I wrote the article. The article itself lent itself to a similar joke. I also told him that and that I didn't appreciate being called a dick. Who does? He couldn't believe my explanation....

From: xxxxxxxx@aol.com
Sent: Monday, October 06, 2003 2:55 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Re: Your Mississippi Burning Cross Article.

Were you capable of basic fourth grade reading comprehension, you'd see that I never called you a dick. I simply told you not to be one, in letting the quote go without it's proper credit. And, yes, while it is possible that someone "could" make a similar joke, not only is it widely recognized as trademark-Hicks, the similarities between it and the quote on your website are too close to simply be coincidence.

Fanatics have a hard time realizing that there are a lot of people on this earth who have never heard of nor care about the particular thing they are fanatical about. I also think it's a bit of a stretch for him to claim he writes at a fourth grade level. His logic certainly isn't at that level.

I want to thank Mr. Hicks for making a fine joke. I'm sure he was a very funny man. I didn't borrow it, but since he wrote it first he deserves the credit anyway.

I'm So Excited!

This guy must be related to Will Smith from last week. I want to break down this scam e-mail, because it is so awful. If anyone falls for this then they really deserve to be scammed.

From: JENNY JOHNS (all caps) [mailto:jamx1970@hotmail.com] (serious business with a hotmail account?)
Sent: Tuesday, October 07, 2003 7:55 AM
To: submissions@bbspot.com
Subject: T SHIRTS ORDER

HELLO,
I AM THE MANAGING DIRECTOR OF THE NYANSA PRINTING PRESS. LIKE I SAID (Where did you say this before?),OUR COMPANY IS 15 YEARS (I thought you said it was NYANSA PRINTING, now it's called 15 YEARS?) AND WE WANT 3000 PCS OF YOUR BLANK T SHIRTS (I don't even sell blank t-shirts) FOR OUR UPCOMING 15TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION. I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU CAN SHIPPED TO GHANA WEST AFRICA (Yes, I'll ship you 3,000 shirts to Ghana West Africa. The shipping cost alone would be more than the shirts I imagine.).THE ORDER DETAILS MUST BE IN THIS FORMART (I don't have a Formart store by my house):

COLOUR SIZE QTY
------------ --------- ---------
WHITE XXXL 600
WHITE XXL 600
YELLOW XXXL 400
YELLOW XXL 400
RED XXXL 300
RED XXL 300
ORANGE XXXL 200
ORANGE XXL 200 (All XXL and XXXL shirts, must be a lot of fat people in Ghana)

I THINK THIS WILL BE OKAY FOR THE MEAN TIME. BUT I AM SURE TO RETURNED TO YOU WHEN WE NEED SOME MORE NEXT TIME (Oh man, you'll try to scam me again if I agree this time! What a deal!) .PLEASE REPLY WITH THE TOTTAL CHARGES AND I WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH MY CREDIT CARD DETAILS FOR THE TOTTAL CHARGES TOGETHER WITH THE SHIPPING CHARGES.SORRY FOR USING MY SECRETARIES EMAIL ADDRESS (Yes, why is that?) .THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATE AND GOD BLESS YOU (and strike you dead if you fall for this).

REGARDS..............
MD MICHEAL OFORI (Guy can't even spell his own name right.)

Thanks for the Memories

From: David
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 10:59 PM
To: Brian Briggs
Subject: Dance Monkeyboy Story

It occured to me that I never told you this story that you helped create.

A bit over two years ago when you posted the Dance Monkeyboy video in the Daily Links, I was quick to download it. I loved it, but was irritated by the constantly dying mirror sites. Naturally, I uploaded the video to my $10 a month web host and emailed ntk. I got my name put on the mirror list. Now, I had a cheap account with probably no more than 1 gig of transfer per month. This was at the peak of the video's popularity. In about 20 hours, my site was shut down. My memory is a bit fuzzy, but as I recall I ran up 340 gb of transfer at $10 per gig. In essence, a lot of transfer. So when I called up to figure out why they had disabled my account (I was a bit naive), I was surprised to learn that I owed $3400 and change. Perhaps a bit of information about myself would help. At that point, I was 16, and was paying for that hosting account out of my allowance, although I had just got my first web design contract that allowed me to pull in about $20 per week. Having heard my pantings, exclamations, and an explanation of my naivity and age, my normally callous webhost was kind enough to throw out the debt as long as I got myself the hell off of their servers. And that's how I ended up a merely crossed out url on ntk's website, with no more than a humorous comment about that my webhost must have done to me.

Thanks for helping to create the memories,
David

I'm always happy to help in ruining the credit of today's youth! You're welcome.

That's all for this week!

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