Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without
the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing
because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of
the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just
This has to be the worst
scam e-mail I have ever seen. Even worse than the T-shirt
guy from Ghana....
Sent: Saturday, October 11, 2003 8:34 AM
Subject: You credit card has been charged for $234.65
We have just charged your credit card for money
laundry service in amount of $234.65 (because you are either child
pornography webmaster or deal with dirty money, which require us
to layndry them and then send to your checking account). If you
feel this transaction was made by our mistake, please press "No".
If you confirm this transaction, please press "Yes" and fill in
the form below.
I don't wish misfortune on others, but anyone who falls for
this deserves it.
Some readers are worried about my constant
injuring of myself...
Sent: Friday, October 10, 2003 11:12 AM
Subject: Bloody Irony
You have got to stop hurting yourself, it might keep bbspot
from being updated as frequently,
On monday I cut my toe very badly on the way to the bathroom
Maybe what happens to me will happen to you three days later.
If this is true then you will get lucky on sunday.
I'll warn you if I hurt myself again.
Kill Bill (working
This e-mail was prompted by the Trailer
Review of Kill Bill (Tarantino's 4th film)...
From: Jason Simpson
Sent: Wednesday, October 08, 2003 7:02 PM
To: Brian Briggs
Subject: Dancefighting boogaloo
Nice. Another way to go would have been" Crouching Charlie's
Hidden Angels" which is what I've been calling it and
I bet that's exactly how he pitched it too.
(After changing it from the initial working title " Fuck
Sent: Wednesday, October 08, 2003 10:41 AM
I read the mailbag where
some aol user was all accusing you of
plagiarizing Bill Hicks. Nothing against Bill Hicks, but before him George
Carlin also used that same joke. Not to say he ripped it off either, writing
jokes is a formula that sometimes returns similar results in different instances.
Anyway, yeah. Peace.
I Had a Million Dollars
was prompted by our often ignored and never-read piece about
the BNL song "If I had million dollars".
Sent: Tuesday, October 07, 2003 10:16 AM
Subject: If I had a million dollars CDN
I was just reading through your archives, and found your
piece on the Barenaked Ladies song. Ironic, isn't it: the way
our economy is going compared to yours, long before 2403 our
exchange rate will be $1 CDN = $1 million US. Of course, you
could solve the problem by banning the Republican party, and
exiling all current Republicans to Havanna (where they could
amuse themselves by taking down Castro's regieme by trying
to manage it financially), but that would leave you with a
one-party system, and let's face it, your Democrats are no
Maybe you need to import a solution from us. Let everyone
get so disgruntled with the Republicans that five splinter
parties spring up,
allowing voters to defeat the Republicans so badly that they only elect two
representatives in the next election, without having to vote for the 'other'
party. Our splinter parties enjoyed a brief period of prominence before taking
their place on the fringe, allowing the only party that has ever had any
clue how to manage our economy to generate huge, continuing budget surpluses,
make regular payments on the principal of the national debt, and guarantee
their re-election (and our continued economic prosperity) for the next twenty
If I had a million dollars (US), I'd buy me a donut.
Developing Nuclear Weapons
By Ethrin Chialphy
Los Angeles, CA - Citing failed ability to achieve
a nonviolent solution through lawsuits; the RIAA has announced
that it will develop a nuclear weapons program.
"File sharers are nothing but an obstacle to the peaceful
settlement of the economic issue between the music producers
and artists," the statement said.
America has always been able to use the threat of nuking another
nation to bully it into doing what it wants. Usually, that means
allowing some corporation to go in and use its people as virtual
slave labor to produce all that Cheap Plastic Crap (TM) that
one finds in those ubiquitous Wal-Marts.
Despite bold legal moves, high-powered lobbying and reducing
the price of music, file trading continues unabated daily and
CD sales remain in a slump. The RIAA has turned to this barbarous
though effective bully tactic in what has been described as an "apocalyptic" final
try to thwart file traders.
"Since World War II, people have been snapped in line at
the threat of thermonuclear holocaust," RIAA spokesperson
Nigel Bloom stated at a press conference. "Operation Digital
Information Communal Killing or D.I.C.K. will watch bandwidth
usage and anyone using over 40 gigs/month of transfer must be
Critics of this criteria cited popular web comics and satire
sites as also using incredible amounts of bandwidth. "The
only files we're sharing is a bunch of text files containing
jokes about how the RIAA sucks," stated Vincent Miller,
editor in chief of Sarcam Wire in a telephone interview.
The RIAA was unavailable for comment.
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