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Wednesday, October 15 12:01 AM EST

BBspot Mailbag

Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.

Scammers

This has to be the worst scam e-mail I have ever seen. Even worse than the T-shirt guy from Ghana....

From: xxxxxx@yahoo.co.uk]
Sent: Saturday, October 11, 2003 8:34 AM
To: submissions@bbspot.com
Subject: You credit card has been charged for $234.65

Important notice

We have just charged your credit card for money laundry service in amount of $234.65 (because you are either child pornography webmaster or deal with dirty money, which require us to layndry them and then send to your checking account). If you feel this transaction was made by our mistake, please press "No". If you confirm this transaction, please press "Yes" and fill in the form below.

Enter your credit card number here:

Enter your credit card expiration date:

I don't wish misfortune on others, but anyone who falls for this deserves it.

Warning

Some readers are worried about my constant injuring of myself...

From: Lonny
Sent: Friday, October 10, 2003 11:12 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Bloody Irony

Brian,

You have got to stop hurting yourself, it might keep bbspot from being updated as frequently,

On monday I cut my toe very badly on the way to the bathroom too!

Maybe what happens to me will happen to you three days later.

If this is true then you will get lucky on sunday.

I'll warn you if I hurt myself again.

Lonny

Booyah!

Kill Bill (working title)

This e-mail was prompted by the Trailer Review of Kill Bill (Tarantino's 4th film)...

From: Jason Simpson
Sent: Wednesday, October 08, 2003 7:02 PM
To: Brian Briggs
Subject: Dancefighting boogaloo

Nice. Another way to go would have been" Crouching Charlie's Hidden Angels" which is what I've been calling it and I bet that's exactly how he pitched it too.

(After changing it from the initial working title " Fuck Chuck")

Bill Hicks

From: Rob
Sent: Wednesday, October 08, 2003 10:41 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: YEah

I read the mailbag where some aol user was all accusing you of
plagiarizing Bill Hicks. Nothing against Bill Hicks, but before him George Carlin also used that same joke. Not to say he ripped it off either, writing jokes is a formula that sometimes returns similar results in different instances. Anyway, yeah. Peace.

If I Had a Million Dollars

This e-mail was prompted by our often ignored and never-read piece about the BNL song "If I had million dollars".

From: George
Sent: Tuesday, October 07, 2003 10:16 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: If I had a million dollars CDN

I was just reading through your archives, and found your piece on the Barenaked Ladies song. Ironic, isn't it: the way our economy is going compared to yours, long before 2403 our exchange rate will be $1 CDN = $1 million US. Of course, you could solve the problem by banning the Republican party, and exiling all current Republicans to Havanna (where they could amuse themselves by taking down Castro's regieme by trying to manage it financially), but that would leave you with a one-party system, and let's face it, your Democrats are no prize either.

Maybe you need to import a solution from us. Let everyone get so disgruntled with the Republicans that five splinter parties spring up,
allowing voters to defeat the Republicans so badly that they only elect two representatives in the next election, without having to vote for the 'other' party. Our splinter parties enjoyed a brief period of prominence before taking their place on the fringe, allowing the only party that has ever had any clue how to manage our economy to generate huge, continuing budget surpluses, make regular payments on the principal of the national debt, and guarantee their re-election (and our continued economic prosperity) for the next twenty years.
--
George
Coquitlam, BC
If I had a million dollars (US), I'd buy me a donut.

Future BBspot Writer

RIAA Developing Nuclear Weapons
By Ethrin Chialphy

Los Angeles, CA - Citing failed ability to achieve a nonviolent solution through lawsuits; the RIAA has announced that it will develop a nuclear weapons program.

"File sharers are nothing but an obstacle to the peaceful settlement of the economic issue between the music producers and artists," the statement said.

America has always been able to use the threat of nuking another nation to bully it into doing what it wants. Usually, that means allowing some corporation to go in and use its people as virtual slave labor to produce all that Cheap Plastic Crap (TM) that one finds in those ubiquitous Wal-Marts.

Despite bold legal moves, high-powered lobbying and reducing the price of music, file trading continues unabated daily and CD sales remain in a slump. The RIAA has turned to this barbarous though effective bully tactic in what has been described as an "apocalyptic" final try to thwart file traders.

"Since World War II, people have been snapped in line at the threat of thermonuclear holocaust," RIAA spokesperson Nigel Bloom stated at a press conference. "Operation Digital Information Communal Killing or D.I.C.K. will watch bandwidth usage and anyone using over 40 gigs/month of transfer must be sharing files."

Critics of this criteria cited popular web comics and satire sites as also using incredible amounts of bandwidth. "The only files we're sharing is a bunch of text files containing jokes about how the RIAA sucks," stated Vincent Miller, editor in chief of Sarcam Wire in a telephone interview.

The RIAA was unavailable for comment.

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