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Wednesday, October 22 12:01 AM EST

BBspot Mailbag

Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.

Believers

I guess Ask The Spammer is convincing...

From: gary xxxxxx@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, October 13, 2003 10:11 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: spammer answeres stuff article

Dear BBSPot.com,
I was wondering in your spammer answering article.
Is that really the guy that writes all those spam mails? Or is he one of a bunch of guys that are trained to write like that.
Gary.

Is the column called "Ask One of the Disciples of The Spammer?" No, it's called "Ask The Spammer." That should answer your question. The Spammer said he has $250,000,000 for you, and all he needs is your bank account number and a scan of your driver's license. By the way, it BBspot not BBSPot.

BotD

Sometimes you guys scare me...

From: Richard
Sent: Monday, October 20, 2003 6:37 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: The SpotCam

I visit BBspot every day just to see your parody of the BBspot
Personals, and this thought just occurred to me: Have you gotten any dates because of it?

I mean come-on, the BBspot Personals highlights just ONE person per day, but The SpotCam showcases YOU every day! You've GOT to have girls lining-up to go out with you, right?

Just wondering. If it works for you, I may have to come up with my own super-popular webpage just so I can leach dates off of it.

Also, I'm glad you haven't followed-thru with you plan to always leave
your drapes closed
. I have my room matching yours pretty-much completely now.

Thanks!

-Richard

A really strange coincidence, just this week my wife and I were discussing the vicious guard dogs and personal security dogs. To keep away the teeming crowds of eligible bachelorettes of course.

Winning the Lottery!

These scammers sure are funny. Sometimes, BBspotters write back to them, and that's even funnier...

From: David
Sent: Monday, October 20, 2003 5:19 PM
To: submissions@bbspot.com
Cc: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: FW: CONGRATULATIONS- I am a big Lottery Weiner

Imagine my surprise and glee at receiving the following email this morning. It is the answer to all my prayers. Against all odds, I have won a portion of the "Euro-Afro Asian Sweepstake Lottery". Of course, the odds were against me as I am neither Euro, Afro, or Asian. In addition, I never entered; but it must be that the lottery gods were beaming a benevolent smile on me-for I was selected out of so many possible winners!

Now some of my "friends" have warned me that this is a scam, but I think that they are just jealous. Well they'll not get one red cent from me when I get my winnings! So what if these people asked for my Social Security Number and bank account number...with $2,500,000 I can buy a bank! As a loyal BBspot reader, I just wanted to share the info regarding my new found wealth with you...and you can be sure that once I receive these funds, I'll be donating at least a quarter of them to support BBspot...just send me your social security number and bank account info so I can deposit the money in your account.

(ed. : I want to bold some of the funnier phrases of this scam email.)

-----Original Message-----
From: Eaas Lottery [mailto:eaaslottery03@123.com]
Sent: Monday, October 20, 2003 4:01 AM
Subject: CONGRATULATIONS

E.A.A.S Lottery Headquarters:
Customer Service
580 N. Tenth Street
Sacramento, CA 85914
Euro - Afro Asian Sweepstake Lottery an Affiliate of watergate inc.
Arena Complex Km 18 Route de Rufisque
I.P.P Award Dept.
johannesburg, south africa.
Ref: EAASL/941OYI/02
Batch: 12/25/DC34
Date: 20-10-03
WINNING NOTIFICATION:
We happily announce to you the draw of the Euro - Afro Asian Sweepstake Lottery International Programs held on the 1st of May 2003 in Dakar Senegal. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number: 564 75600545 188 with Serial number 5388/02 drew the lucky numbers:31-6-26-13-35-7, which subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category.

You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of US$2,500,000.00 (Two million, five hundred thousand,United States Dollars) in cash credited to file PC/9080118308/02. This is from a total cash prize of US $ 25 Million dollars, shared amongst the first Fifty (50) lucky winners in this category.

Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European booklet representative office in Europe (where the hell did this thing take place?) as indicated in your play coupon. In view of this, your US$2,500,000.00 (Two million,five hundred thousand,United States Dollars) would be released to you by our security firm in Europe. Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him.

All participants were selected randomly from World Wide Web site through computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 companies. (Does anyone understand how this lottery could possible work?) This promotion takes place annually. For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claims is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your prize. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some unscrupulous elements (Yeah, wouldn't want somebody to scam you out of your money.) . Please be warned. To file for your claim, please contact our fiduciary agent:
Mrs.Luita Gonzales
Watergate inc (I wonder if these scammers have any sense how funny that is)
Email:e.a.a.slottery@winning.com

To avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please quote your
reference/batch numbers in any correspondences with us or our designated agent.

Congratulations once more from all members and staffs of this program. Thank you for being part of our promotional lottery program.

Sincerely,

SIR H.J.PONFA
AFRO-ASIAN Zonal Coordinator

Our reader wants to claim his winnings that he was randomly selected from 100,000 companies for.

From: e.a.a.slottery@winning.com
Subject: NOTIFICATION TO LOTTERY SWEEPSTAKE WINNER

Ref: EAASL/941OYI/02
Batch: 12/25/DC34
Date: 21-10-03

Dear winner,
How are you doing today? Thanks for your response to the winning notification that was sent to you .Congratulations once again on your victory,your email address was attached to the above reference and batch number as contact. You are the lucky person to have won this lottery.

You are required to forward the following details to help facilitate the processing of your certificate and the release of your winnings.
1. Full names. 2. Residential address. 3. Phone number.
4. Fax number. 5. A scanned identification of yourself.
You are adviced to forward these informations as soon as possible to enable us attend to your file and also process your documents as soon as possible.

You are to note that your funds have been deposited in our payment center in Europe. Full details will be sent to you so you can reach them to collect your funds. Please note that your certificate will be sent to you and it is this certificate that you will present to the payment office as proof of your winnings.Without this certificate, they will not attend to you. We will process this immediately you forward to us the above details.

Once again, congratulations.

Yours sincerely,

Mrs Luita Gonzales
Watergate inc.

From: David
Sent: Tuesday, October 21, 2003 8:57 AM
To: 'Brian Briggs'
Subject: String along the lottery winner-Thought you'd like to see
response...

Dear Mrs. Gonzalez,
I am doing ok, but will be doing better once I receive these funds. We have had a hard time lately but I won't go in to the details, needless to say winning this will help us a lot.

I will be able to forward the requested items, however, I have a couple of questions:

Regarding my residential address, I am currently in a minimum security facility here in the United States. Do you want the address for this correctional institute or would you prefer the safe house address that I was using before?

Regarding a scanned identification, would my prison ID be sufficient for this purpose? I feel that I should explain a little, you see I was accused, falsely I might add, of running a scam to take money from people. I never ran it, I was just one of the cogs, but I was definitely NOT in charge! These funds from my winnings will go a long way towards my defense. Once I have sent in the necessary items, how long do I have to claim the certificate of funds? I am not due to be released for another 2 years, so if I have to be at the office to claim the funds before then, I will have to make some "arrangements" to get out of here.

Please advise me on what you need ASAP-and once again thank you for selecting me-God Bless You!

Bill Hicks

Many readers suggested that I find some Bill Hicks to see what I was missing. I have indeed done that this week. I learned two things. Mr. Hicks was a very funny and talented comedian, and that I had never heard any of his stuff before.

That's all for this week!

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