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Santa Clara, CA - TechnoBabel Solutions announced today the debut
of a new software tool designed to streamline the production of technical
marketing webcasts on the Internet.
According to the company's press release, audience surveys suggest
that Jargon Jockey (tm) software automatically produces first-class
presentations that are indistinguishable from the traditional avalanche
of buzzwords, marketspeak, and tech-neologisms that historically
have needed hordes of human marketeers to create.
"The heart of the software is a Perl script running off multiple
real-time RSS feeds," says product manager Geoff Wilson. "It
scans CNET and InfoWorld for the latest trends and lingo to aggressively
drill down to your selling sweet spot and dynamically visioneer your
product launches and upgrades. It even has a Slashdot option for
the
OSS-inclined."
The automaton's ability to mimic traditional marketing literature
amazed many engineers. "'Microwarez Workshop empowers your team
to spurn the churn and grok the SLOC.' What the heck is that supposed
to mean?" complained one puzzled engineer. "Any developer
worth their weight in punch cards knows that software lines of code
is a meaningless metric. What kind of paradigm shift are they smoking?"
"My god, Jargon Jockey is like ELIZA on crack," complained
another developer who endured a recent presentation. "I can't
tell if it's a human marketroid or an automated one. You'll have
to excuse me, but my brain hurts."
Based on the early success of Jargon Jockey, TechnoBabel intends
to branch out into adjacent markets as well. Company executives intimated
that they are rolling out software that automates the roles of midlevel
managers. "It'll be simple --- Techno Toady (tm) computes the
minimum number of layoffs needed in a manner that is proportional
to your company's decline in stock price," beamed Wilson. "You
set the constant of proportionality, and our software takes care
of the rest."
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