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Wednesday, February 11 12:01 AM EST

BBspot Mailbag

Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.

Believers

This really isn't a Believer (I don't think so anyway), but she certainly takes the article a bit too seriously...

From: Jeanie
Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2004 12:11 PM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Shame on you!

This person needs to be fired for writing this article. It is truly scary that you thought nothing of letting him publish this. Study history! Things like this have been done in the past and there are people out there who don’t have the moral fiber to even know that this is evil. Apparently neither do either of you or you wouldn’t even have dreamed of publishing such a thing! There is no humor in evil.

Au contraire, there is tons of funny in evil. As a public service announcement for those BBspotters who don't realize that shooting babies is evil, here:

"Shooting babies is a bad thing."

Who knows how many babies I just saved. I am a hero.

Personals Mockeries

A couple of weeks ago contributing editor Nikolaj Borg took over the personals mockeries for a couple days. Some readers weren't quite prepared...

From: Jason
Sent: Wednesday, January 21, 2004 10:32 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: what the hell happened?

Who's the dude on the bbspot personal? He looks like my former roommate. Fucking scared the shit out of me, bud. Can't you put a warning label on it for people who haven't consumed their first cup of coffee?

In the coming months there will be some more guest webcammers. You have been warned.

From: regulusprime
Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2004 12:01 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Anyone who goes by the term BooBooKittyFuk
(one of the personals ladies)...

Is probably a little more than okay with Sometimes Drugs, but I thought for sure you would hit the black wig and lipstick on this one. Nice catch on the black and white photo though. But if you are going to parody a goth chick, got to have lots of black on. Plus you can't have any backlighting effects going on behind you, everyone knows a goth chick has not seen any light brighter than a 40 watt since birth.

On second thought, you look too happy too. Next time, try gripping a thumbtack hard in your hand while keeping a straight face. Don't worry about tetnus either, as a goth chick, tetnus is your badge of honor, especially if it starts to make your face lock up.

You have comedy gold here. Keep up the good work.

I have the thumbtacks purchased and at the ready for the next goth personal that appears.

Kessel Run

From: Olli
Sent: Friday, January 23, 2004 6:08 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Geek Horoscopes

I just read the new geek horoscopes and, being a libra myself, I couldn't resist commenting the part where "You'll finally break Han Solo's record this week when you do the Kessel Run in under 11 parsecs. Whatever the hell that means."

I am sure you'll get a lot of email about that (from other geeks), but still... A quick Google search brought up several pages saying that:

1. Parsec is a unit of distance, not time

2. G. Lucas didn't know the above fact when writing Episode 4, so the phrase is technically correct even if it propably wasn't intended to be.

3. from this posting

"The Kessel Run was a race wherein two starships were launched in opposite directions in a rather dangerous part of space (Kessel) that contained a lot of hazards, such as asteroids, black holes and others. The point was for the contestant, in this case Han Solo in the Millennium Falcon, to traverse the distance between the two target starships in the quickest amount of time.
The faster the Falcon (or any contestant in the race) would traverse the distance between the two star craft, the shorter the distance between the star craft at the end of the ‘race.’ It was this final distance, not the time that the contestant finished the race in, that was used as the metric."

Considering the above, to be able to calculate either the distance (or the time) of the run, one would have to know the speed of both target starships and the moment when the contestant begins the run. This might require additional Google searches, but I don't think I'll bother. Of course, a true geek would have known all that without Google. I guess I'm still not quote there yet. :)

I'm not sure how not knowing something excuses you from being wrong. It is really sad the lengths they have gone to cover up this mistake, and the lengths some geeks have gone to fool themselves into thinking it wasn't a mistake.

Flash Problem

From: Roddy
Sent: Thursday, January 29, 2004 10:21 AM
To: briggsb@bbspot.com
Subject: Read this and thought it could be a BBSpot story

http://spaceflightnow.com/mars/mera/040126spirit.html

Apparently NASA says that the problem with Spirit Rover might be that it shipped without enough flash memory. Sounds like NASA has been following the examples of the camera manufacturers - "NASA marketing admits flash memory shipped with Spirit Rover inadequate, blaims recent hire from Canon"

That's all for this week!

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