Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.
It's been a few weeks since our last Nigerian Believer. This guy figured it out for himself...
Sent: Thursday, September 02, 2004 3:53 PM
Hi Mr. Briggs, Is the Nigerian billionaire really giving money? I'm a minister of music and I desparatly need financial help-I have excellent references. Please contact me. xxxxxxxx e-mail is: firstname.lastname@example.org Phone is: xxxxxxxx
Then a few hours later...
Sent: Thursday, September 02, 2004 4:44 PM
Hi, I think it's shameful that someone starts to CLAIM to give away money - SHAMEFUL
I feel very ashamed. I should put two warnings on the page, and mention somewhere that it's a joke, so people won't believe it. Oh, wait a minute, I did. Genius.
The last couple of Mailbags we have been discussion the proportionality of injuries and computer construction. I think we have the final word ...
Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2004 8:15 AM
Subject: S = k/i indeed
Andrew Hicks, one of your mailbag contributors, recently responded to the Computer Upgrade Equation.
An earlier contributor proposed that if 'S' denoted the success of a computer upgrade, 'i' denoted the number of injuries sustained, then
S = k/i, where k was a constant.
I believe I found k, although not through experiments. According to my theory, k is the reciprocal of IT IQ (denoted by 'q'). Then,
S = (1/q) * (1/i) = (qi)-1
As IT IQ tends to 0 (but can never be 0 as anyone with a computer has at least some IT IQ, regardless of what AOL Tech Support is like), 1/q tends to infinity. But consequently, as IT IQ is low, this lowers the chance of injuries as they would ask someone else (their geek relative or some sleazy neighborhood tech guy) to do the upgrade for them. Thus their injuries would tend to 0 (but never 0, as they face a massive payout, which is an injury in itself), but their PC would be upgraded quite successfully (S is high).
However, as IT IQ tends to infinity, injuries tend to infinity, given that most with high IT IQ would upgrade their PCs themselves. Success of an upgrade is low, but not 0. This is why those with high IT IQ go through difficult upgrade periods (as seen from my personal experiences).
The PC-upgrade theory is a corollary of the "Ignorance is bliss" theory proposed by Anonymous.
Plenty of readers wrote in with opinions about hard drives spinning the wrong direction...
Sent: Thursday, September 02, 2004 6:08 AM
To: BBspot (email@example.com)
Subject: Coriolis effect
"Just as a toilet will flush in a different direction ..."
Surely Australian toilets flush downwards, too?
It depends on your perspective.
Sent: Thursday, September 02, 2004 7:29 AM
Subject: Coriolis Effect & Hard Drives
Down here in South Africa, we've been having lots of issues with data-integrity on our hard drives but didn't realize others were effected too, until reading this article. The problem is due to importing hard drives manufactured in the northern hemisphere. The solution to the problem that we use, is to mount the hard drives upside down. This corrects the spin direction and we no longer have any issues.
Unfortunately, we haven't had much success with mounting toilets upside down...
Sent: Thursday, September 02, 2004 10:10 AM
Subject: Coriolis Effect
Would like to thank you for the warning about this nasty effect. I will be contacting the manufacturer of my HD asap as I was planning on moving to Canada next year. I would hate to lose the extensive collection of pr0n that I have built up over the last few weeks.
ps. Could I have Enseme email address as it would help me to get a new computer for when I move. What worthier a cause could there be than a HD full of lesbo midgets.
Mr. Ayele definitely thinks lesbo midgets is a worthy cause. Check your inbox.
From: Craig (ed. a different Craig)
Sent: Thursday, September 02, 2004 7:46 AM
Subject: Coriolis hard drives
Loved the story. Not only will you produce believers in the idea that hard drives spin in different directions in the northern and southern hemispheres, but also believers in the idea that water rotates in a particular direction when flowing out of a sink/bath/whatever in one hemisphere and the other direction in the other hemisphere.
Yes, many people wrote in about the direction of water drainage. Just to make sure I knew it was a myth. Or is it?
That's all for this week!
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