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Thursday, October 7 12:00 PM ET

Play Nethack

By Francisco Rangel

(To the tune of Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones)

I see a red D and I want to play nethack
Go down to Gehennom and bring the trinket back
I see the grid bugs bite, the Kop runs with a hose
I light my magic lamp and so the darkness goes

Drop stuff on altars but they're cursed so they glow black
I stash my scrolls and potions in an oilskin sack
I see corpses all around, I'll eat them right away
Hope I get intrinsics, hope my god will let me pray

Sit on a throne and get to genocide some L's
The Oracle will speak, and the shopkeeper sells
Get a prize from Sokoban and then on to clear the quest
Kill Medusa, find the castle, open up that chest

The Valley of the Dead, and David's Treasure Zoo
I'll visit Vlad and get the Candelabrum too
If I look hard enough for the vibrating square
I'll kill the wizard, get the Book, and I'll be there

I'll get the amulet and make a run for it
With demons on my tail, I hope I don't get hit
Go through the planes and reach the altars at the end
I'll sacrifice the amulet and I'll ascend

I wanna beat this game, it's so hard, cannot save, can't restart
I'll go to Gehennom, with my pet by my side
Don't eat the food that's tainted, tainted, tainted, or you'll die, yeah!

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