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Wednesday, April 6 12:00 AM ET

Reasons to Give Up Coffee

11. You hate Sun Microsystems and all their products
10. Company now requires punching out to use the bathroom
9. You're operating too efficiently, finishing all your work well before the end of the day and therefore must slow down
8. You accidentally discovered how Office Jesus makes the coffee
7. Yesterday you passed a coffee bean
6. You're disturbing your cubicle neighbours with screams of "Get them off me! Get them off me!" while you tear at your skin
5. A homeless family has moved into your coffe mug
4. It's time to give up on your effort to prove the "100 cups of coffee" effect shown in Futurama
3. You were caught calling the brewer "my precious"
2. Your pee is sold as an energy drink
1. You haven't slept since the last Pope died

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