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Wednesday, June 29 12:00 AM ET

Senate Reaches Compromise on Gay Flag Burning Ban Amendment

By Mike Guenther

Washington, DC -The Gang of 14 Senators that recently avoided the showdown on the "nuclear option" announced today that they had saved the country again by reaching a compromise that will make it illegal for gay people to burn the flag.

A representative for the Gang of 14 said, "We are moving America forward with this compromise and showing the American people we can make progress on a bipartisan basis. Let me clarify that last remark! I mean "bipartisan" in the sense of two parties Republican and Democrat, not as in "bisexual partisans". While I am on this topic I should mention that the Amendment does apply to bisexuals since they are gay some of the time. It will also apply to preop transsexuals but not post-op transsexuals who may have been homosexual at one time but have transitioned to an alternative gender orientation via surgery."

Although pundits believe that this amendment may not be ratified by enough states to become law they believe it will be an interesting battle. Conservative pundit, Greg Stillson of Families for American Liberty and No Burning said, "No one should be allowed to burn a flag, but this amendment is a good start. Now if we can just get our Gay Burning Amendment on the floor then we'll be cooking."

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Raj Smith from Progressives for America Today, a liberal think tank said, "We see this compromise as a great victory. We stopped the gay marriage ban Amendment in its tracks. We did have to give a little ground on flag burning, but it will only apply to about 5% of the population. They can't reproduce though, so it's not like we worry about losing control over a rapidly growing constituency like we do with the Hispanics."

Gay activists were upset, saying, "There are more gays than Jews in this country, why don't they ban the Jews from burning the flag? He added, by the way, we have our own gay flag and they can't stop us from burning it."

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