Now you too can enjoy my Inbox without the annoying spam. Every week I get some amazing e-mail. Some amazing because of the sheer cluelessness of the sender, some because of the time and energy that went into crafting them and some are just simply amazing.
One reader wonders why she's getting so many e-mails from the Nigerian Billionaire...
Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2006 5:01 PM
brian is this thing with nigeria real? i have beengetting alot ofemails from there.
I told her it was all a scam, and my story was a work of satire. She replied...
Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2006 7:10 PM
To: Brian Briggs
Subject: RE: nigeria
that is exactly what i thought. the new one i have is to send a photo whicch i did sorta i sent a very fuzzy nasty pic. they are using pis with the names. is there a way we an over load them andsend back their emails excessively where they will stop or get tired of it? i have more stories of ones ive been hit with if u are interested. thanks michele and i top of it im very broke. hahahaha to them...........
I have $10 she falls for a scam anyway.
And another guy who wants some African wealth...
Sent: Tuesday, February 28, 2006 10:58 AM
Subject: Nigerian Philanthropist
I've just read your article on Esenam Ayele trying to give away millions.Is this for real and if so how can I contact him.
My e:mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org
Two disclaimers on a story and he still wants to contact him. <smacks forehead>
And lastly from the BBelievers file...
Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2006 1:57 PM
Subject: Brian, Mr. Ayele need your help!!!
Brian, Mr. Ayele need your help!!!
I have been corespondig with Esenam Ayele for some time now, and he is in TROUBLE!!! A few days ago he through a party on his estate, and he as well as all of his friends were thrown in JAIL. Everyone with access to his bank accounts were arrested with him.
If this happened in the United States this would not be a problem. We would just use a credit or ATM card, only in Africa they don't have ATM machines.
I have sent all of the money I can to Mr. Ayele, but it was not enough. Mr. Ayele and his barley legal twin daughters who desperately want to meet me are still rotting in jail.
If you and your readers can get him and his family out of jail, he will let us all in on the ground floor of his new herbal Viagra busness. I have tried it my self and it is GREAT! You just smoke these little magic rocks in a special glass pipe, and everything is just fantastic. I cant wait to get some more. I think I could make tons of money just selling it to my friends. If we could get the FDA to approve it we could be TRILLIONARES!!!!!
If you want to help please have all of your readers send anything they can to Esenam's good friend Ralf T Dog. You can get hold of him at xxxxx at ralfthedog . com.
Thanks and have a nice day.
This, of course, is not a true BBeliever.
One reader was inspired by this BBlooper to write a short piece on babies...
Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2006 9:39 AM
Subject: BBloopers: Baby Day
Gerbernator: Rise of the Babies
Finally, a corporation has seen the light and begun to take measures to deal with this "baby" scourge.
The filthy little things are everywhere: shopping centres, restaurants, theatres, even hospitals. They even plague our motorways; though the telling "On Board" signs have declined as the Babies wise up, the number of car seats strapped into the back of minivans continues to rise, furthering their stinky, moist agenda. The Baby menace has infiltrated, even saturated the mass media, filtering all the way down to packs of Dunhills, their pudgy, leering faces questionning and threatening the most basic of civil rights: the right to give yourself cancer and to take as many people with you as possible, especially Babies.
I'd like to believe that society has been making strides against this menace; alas it's clear that their political and economic influence has so corrupted our leadership that the Baby threat is now widely regarded as something "positive". They may appear benign, even cute or helpless, but these are merely tactics to lull us into a mistaken sense of security before yet another Baby DROPS THE BIG ONE. Duct tape or Tamiflu or Talcum Powder won't save us. Yet this single ray of hope among our corporate elite proves that the resistance is still strong, if only for today. Babies... *shudder* ... so many babies...
That's all for this week!
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