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Monday, March 14 12:00 AM ET

MP3 Player Showdown
Apple iPod vs. Microsoft Zune

By Brian Briggs

Other tech sites will bore you with in-depth "technical details" and performance specs in their product analysis.  At BBspot we pull back from the boring benchmarks to compare the superficialities, and we do it all on a single page.

In the digital music player market iPod is the leader. Last time, we compared the Dell DJ and the iPod with iPod being the winner. In real life it was the winner too. The Dell DJ no longer exists. Will Microsoft have better luck with its new Zune player?

Names

ZuneiPod - Sounds like something aliens might erupt from or a place where a person would keep a spare glass eye.

Zune - Rhymes moon, tune, loon, goon, spoon and a lot of other -une and -oon words. This will make it easier to put in pejorative limericks.

Advantage - Zune

Domain Names

iPodiPod.com - Redirects to Apple's product page about iTunes.

Zune.com - A big black page that says "Under Construction" and has a title of "Pagina nueva 2." Now that's what I call planning.

Advantage - iPod

Curative Properties

Does either MP3 player cure cancer, rickets or consumption?

iPod - No

Zune - No

Advantage - Tie

Google Fights

The best two out of three wins...

My iPod can be painlessly removed from my anus - 31 results

My Zune can be painlessly removed from my anus - 0 results

If it accidentally gets in there you want to be able to get it out pain-free, at least I would.

Winner: iPod

Eating iPod will cause cancer - 514,000

Eating Zune will cause cancer - 75,800

You may get that hungry, so you're safer with a Zune.

Winner: Zune

iPodAll your iPod are belong to us - 1,800,000

All your Zune are belong to us - 181,000

Winner: iPod

Advantage: iPod

Mock Elections

If the iPod and Zune were high school students how would they fair in Senior year mock elections?

Most likely to succeed? - iPod

Best Dressed? - Zune

Most Flirtatious? - iPod

Class Clown? - Zune

ZuneMost School Spirit? - Zune

Most Athletic? - iPod

Most Likely to Be Last Alphabetically? - Zune

Advantage: Zune

Pain

If Detroit Tigers pitcher Joel Zumaya threw an MP3 player at my head at a blazing 104 MPH, would it hurt?

iPod - Yes
Zune - Yes

If I had my MP3 player in my back pocket and a Ford Excursion ran over my ass, would it hurt?

iPod - Yes
Zune - Yes

If Chuck Norris rammed my MP3 player through my spine with his fists of fury, would it hurt?

iPod - Yes
Zune - Yes

Advantage: Tie

Virtual Coin Flip - Best of 11

The virtual coin flipper was used at random.org. I chose the Aurelian - 270-275 CE - Æ (bronze) Antoninianus from the Roman Empire.

iPodiPod - Heads

Zune - Tails

Results: T-T-H-H-H-H-H-H-T-T-H

Advantage: iPod

Conclusions

The iPod proves worthy of its top spot by beating the Zune by a score of 3-2 and 2 ties and wins our Technical Award of Excellence.

See our other showdowns.

Firefox Vs. Internet Explorer

Bush Vs. Kerry

Radeon X800 Vs. GeFORCE 6800

and

Windows 2000 Vs. Linux

More Tech News

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